Remembering Autumn

When I woke up & checked facebook this morning there was a post by a classmate I went to high school with about today being National Remembrance Day for Murdered Children.  So I want to start this post by remembering her daughter, Autumn Pasquale who was murdered at age 12 in Clayton NJ.  She was murdered by two teenage boys over her BMX bike.  I know... it's hard to believe.  So senseless, so tragic, so heartbreaking.   I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is for her parents & family.  I think of this little girl so often, a child I barely knew & yet she floats into my thoughts ALL THE TIME.  I hope Autumn & her family can feel all the love being sent to them by so many today & everyday.  RIP Autumn.

It also got me thinking of my mom, she was the closest person to me that I've lost in my life.  She died of cancer at age 51.  While I knew she was dying,  part of me couldn't process it, I was so distracted at the time, that I know now I just couldn't. See, my mom died at the same time my daughter Emily was fighting for her life after being born extremely premature.  It was such a difficult time,  living two life altering events simultaneously, but now in a way, I find comfort in it.  As difficult as it was at the time.  I can't imagine not having Emily there to distract me from the complete sadness that would have destroyed me.   To see my beautiful baby girl fight so hard to just be here & every day after to see the amazing girl she has become keeps me hopeful & thankful.  Everyday I miss my mom but I found that life could still be beautiful & that is where the comfort lies, in the beauty left behind. I just hope that Autumn's parents find comfort everyday some way too.  Perhaps knowing people haven't forgotten about Autumn helps them, surely through their other children, their families, through rainbows that Autumn's mom shares on facebook that always seem to come at just the right moment to let her know Autumn's still around & in a million other beautiful ways.  That's my wish for them.  That in whatever way they can,  they are able to find some comfort in knowing that not only is life still beautiful but that Autumn's still around.   Autumn-what a perfect name, a truly perfect name, each & every year everyone has a beautiful reminder of you.