Tuesday, December 31, 2013


So you think you got away with it
You think I'm unaware
But I know better than I show
& much more than I'm willing to share

Why hurt others with your ugliness
What good would it really do
Would they believe me anyway?
They think that they know you

I dislike that I'm a faker
Pretending that I don't know
When what I really want to do
Is scream it from the mountain's snow

What I know for sure without a doubt
You'll never be a real friend
Your core is just messed up
Much more evil in the end

It's hard when the thing that would free me
Would cause pain to others in the way
So I bite my tongue, I give a hug
knowing karma will get you one day

Melissa Williams
Dec 31,2013

Sunday, December 15, 2013

The best dream...

My mom passed away in May of 2001.  She was only 51 years old.  Christmas time always gets me thinking about her a little more than usual.  She's always floating around my thoughts but at Christmas time it's even more so.  Today I was thinking about the first time I dreamt of her after she passed.  The truth is considering how much I love her, it's surprising to me that she doesn't come into my dreams a little bit more than she does.  I so want her to, maybe that means however that she's really contend whereever she is... that of course makes me smile. Anyway, the first time I dreamt of her, it was perfect.  She hadn't been gone long, maybe a month or less. In the dream.... She was sitting on the sofa, & I was sitting on the floor directly in front of her leaning against the sofa.   I looked up over my shoulder & simply said, "Mom... you know that I love you" & she said, "Yeah... I know"   that's all... so simple & yet so comforting.   thank you Mom.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

A great company "SMARTLAB TOYS"

Well I wanted to share on here a great experience I had with a company called, "Smart Lab Toys".  I had recently bought a toy from this company at a "bargain" store called Ollie's.  The Box was a little beat up BUT the price very in-expensive so I decided to get it anyway for a present for Christmas.  I looked around the store for a while but it was the ONLY one left.  Since Emily loves Science & the toy said 8+.  I thought my little "science" girl would like it, & since even if she is a little old for it, was willing to try it for that price.  If she plays with it only a few times it would be worth it.  She loves science & her particular science class is actually learning about a similar thing this year.   I don't want to say what it is, just in case Emily sees this! So anyway... when I got home I realized that the "book" was not included which is probably why it was so in-expensive, althought it didn't say anything like "missing parts" on the box & wondered if the book also was the "instructions" since there wasn't any of them either.  I decided to reach out to the company, in the hopes they could send me the instructions.  The company no longer even sells this particular toy on their website, but said they would try hard to find the book (they figured they had to have a copy of one somewhere) within a few days they asked me for my address & that they had found one & would send it to us! I corresponded with a woman named Amy, who was so sweet & very helpful.  I just wanted to share this with you, if you have a science loving kid or are just trying to "encourage" them to be one.  Or if you like educational toys, give this company a try, it's nice to know of a company that still goes the extra mile! I was really impressed with the toy & the customer service of this company...  Here's the link:


I think it would be a "smart" decision on your part. haha.. anyway Merry Christmas!

xo Missy

Friday, December 13, 2013

Question of the day?

How do you "push/encourage" your children without "pressuring" them? #beingaparentishard

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Well it's almost Christmas again.  I realized from looking back at my blog post year after year I vent on here about how stressed/down I'm feeling at this time every year.  This year is no different in some ways  BUT make no mistake, even with saying that, I really love Christmas.  I love seeing Emily's smiling face on Christmas morning!   I love the spirit of the holiday.  I just wanted to share that on here, cause I don't want years from now someone to read these post & think boy was she a real Grinch.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who along w/ all the merriment the holiday brings,  there is also as we grow older ,especially, a sadness that comes too.  Perhaps I'm just a little bit more honest than most... I think a lot of people are better than me at pretending.  That is only a theory,  or perhaps just a way to make me feel better about being a tad "Debbie downer-ish" at this time of year.   I feel a lot this time of year, I feel joy & sadness. It's the reminder that our love ones that passed away are not with us.  For me too as I get older, I realize how the "spirit" of the holiday often times get's lost to all the "materialism" of it.   There are also all these "deadlines" for lack of a better word. We "must" decorate, We "must" put up the lights,  We "must" put up the tree, We "must" send out the Christmas cards.  We "must" buy the presents!  When we look at it that way I suppose, it can seem "overwhelming" & I guess we all should look at it like we don't have to, but we want to do those things... but the sad reality is, even if we want to do those things.. sometimes we don't physically have the time or money to do them.  As it seems may be the case this year for our family.  Brian has been away on business for the last two weeks,  he'll be home on Saturday evening, then Emily & he will be taking an overnight trip right after. So it's put a real crimp in the plans this year.  Our Christmas lights aren't up... & it seems they are NOT going to get put up this year.  I did decorate the inside of the house but we have yet to get our tree. Again who knows when this will get done.   I'm not complaining & it's okay with me.  But having a child you want for them to have "that" Christmas experience.  That magic feeling.  But really is it just us putting that pressure on ourselves.  I often wonder that... growing up I didn't have the "perfect" Christmas I long for Emily to have & honestly,  It's not what I remember nor do I find myself upset over so why do I put this pressure on myself.  Maybe it's nothing more than like most things wanting more for your child than you had.  But is all the stress worth it? I guess that's the big question.  I wonder what the answer is, I'll probably keep doing this year after year... but on Christmas day it's usually all worth it, right?

Friday, December 6, 2013

True Story

 HATE those links w a statement like "these two foods are destroying ur life"
well since i wanna know what two foods r destroying my life...
i click the link & then see & hear it, "the voice" you know the one & the video
 which goes through an entire self help book just to try & sell me something...
& try as I might I never quite can finish the damn thing 2 actually hear WTH were the 2 foods!

Monday, November 25, 2013


Who doesn't like Thanksgiving?
long list of foods in need
busy days prepping and preparing
For all the guest you have to feed

The running here and there
making sure all is ready
Fingers crossed it goes off without a hitch
While family arrive nice & steady

The exhausted host looks & sees
Their family gathered around
So finally take a deep breath & know
That all was worth it, love's abound

Feeling oh so blessed & happy
Especially after they learn
That next years dinner
Is someone else's turn!

Melissa Williams

Thursday, November 14, 2013

12 Things about me you may not know.

1)I had my eye brow pierced for about a month in the 90's.... then I got scared no one would take me serious on Job Interviews... & removed it.

2)My husband was my boss at one time

3)I often times feel inadequate

4)I broke my arm on a school field trip to the skating rink in the 7th grade.

5)I still have notes written to me by my ex-boyfriends (some 25+ yrs old)

6)A few friends & I rented a (NJ) shore house when I was in my mid/late 20's & it was more like "MTV's-Jersey Shore" then I'd like to admit.

7)I don't drive but have had my license since I was 18.

8)Can't remember very much from my childhood

9)BUT I ate yogurt & pepperoni for lunch every day the summer I was 15.

10)I had a dog named "Lucky" who was hit by a car & killed (& isn't that ironic, Don't cha think?)

11) When my daughter was first born... her name was Emily Katelyn for a day/ or two BUT we decided to change it to Emily Brianne (meaning Strong one)

12) I am both "organized" & "messy"

Friday, November 8, 2013

Notes on Notes on a Scandal

We all have secrets... some of us have big secrets & some of us have small ones. But we all have them, that to me is what makes the movie, "Notes on a Scandal" so powerful. That & the acting. Judi Dench & Cate Blanchett give such great performances. It's not a new movie, it's from 2006 & today wasn't the first time I watched it, but after watching it for the second time realized once again just how good this movie is. It tells the story of a woman named Barbara (Judi Dench)a lonely close to retirement aged teacher. She has few real friends or relationships. The closest friend she has is her cat. Her cat & her "diary" that is. A diary she writes everything in. Barbara develops a "crush" on Sheba a new much younger teacher at the school. You learn this isn't the first time she's felt this way towards a female co-worker. Sheba(Cate Blanchett)is a pretty mother & wife. Her husband is much older than she is, & she has been a stay-at home mom caring for her two children since their births.. one of whom has Down Syndrome. She is at a stage of life where she's looking for something more for her self, as she feels she's been giving to everyone else for forever. Meanwhile, Barbara is desperately trying to gain Sheba's friendship to fulfill the fantasy she has of real relationship w/ her. All of Barbara's feelings get written down in her diary. So when Sheba invites Barbara over to lunch, (a friendly gesture but nothing more...) Barbara happily accepts & uses it as a platform to intertwine herself into Sheba's life in the hopes this will lead to a real relationship w/ Sheba. But when Barbara discovers that Sheba is having a sexual relationship with one of the students, a young boy aged 15. She uses this information as "leverage" to get Sheba to not only stop the relationship with the boy, but also as a way to control Sheba & gain her trust because she didn't turn her in. Sheba knows it's wrong what she is doing with the boy, but knowing that isn't enough to make her stop it. She can't seem to resist him or more importantly the feelings he apparently has awakened in her, no matter how wrong or illegal. When Barbara finds out that Sheba hasn't stopped being with the boy, & when she feels that Sheba isn't giving her the attention she craves, what consequences will there be? All the characters in this movie are so flawed, which makes them powerful & fascinating. Give this movie a try. It will definitely be one to talk about long after the credits end.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Quit your bitching... & do your job!

When I think about republican politicians lately.... this is all I hear. Waaah Waaaah Waaaaah!!!! Well quit your bitching... Elections have consequences & our president decided to make healthcare for everyone one of the things he ran on & is desperately trying to get accomplished. We the majority voted him in to office. You can't block everything this president is trying to do simply because it's not what you would have done IF a republican was in office, cause guess what? They aren't! The American people DIDN'T VOTE YOUR GUY in! So suck it up & join together to make it happen, work together!!!! We have people in this country right now who are fighting to get the medical help they need but can't because they have a pre-existing condition! We need to help them! We have young people, many the same ones saying I'm healthy why should I pay for insurance? WHY? because accidents happen! (There are emergency rooms full of people for a reason!) Care which the public will have to pay for because those same non insured patients sometimes visit as well. We aren't allowed to "roll" the dice driving a car, so why should we with our healthcare! Or what about families like the one I grew up in, those kinds that grew up NEVER going to the doctors because our parents couldn't get/afford health insurance & decided food/clothing was more important then routine doctor care, & the fear brought on by such non-action, which I believe has long term impact on those people. I personally think this is a major factor for why so many people have fears of doctors... I know its one of the reasons I do! I would ask my mom what she thinks about this, but I lost her at age 51 to cancer. SO I can't! See this American who voted for Barack Obama wants nothing more than to see things change for the better regarding healthcare, the idea of healthcare for all sounds pretty great to me!! I don't understand how this idea sounds bad to anyone, but regardless of why you feel it's not a good idea..... This is what the ELECTED president of the UNITED States feels is best for our citizens & what the majority of people in this country feel as well. So stop fighting it REPUBLICANS & do your job! PLEASE!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

VACATION Pics 2 (New Mexico/Colarado)

"Princess" reaching for her food! What a BIG Bear!
Mountain Lion
Beautiful Colorado

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

New Mexico/Colorado Vaca Pics 1

On the train heading to New Mexico
Well one of us slept
Beautiful New Mexico
Visitor Center on way to Pagosa Springs
A resort in Pagosa Springs/River we went tubing in
Fireside Inn Cabins
Inside the Cabin

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

New Mexico w/ a side of Colorado Part 3

We woke up the next morning, ready to get our adventure on....but first breakfast! Grandma Pat & Emily made pancakes & bacon. I should say really really good bacon (from the local Santa Fe farmers market) & fluffy yummy pancakes. After breakfast and with our bellies nice & full we decided that we would leave around 10:30/11:00 to start tubing. Aunt Barbara had already gotten the tubes for us(while breakfast was cooking). She rented 3, one for herself, and two others for Emily & I. Nic was happy to have the cabin to himself & sleep late. (a favorite thing for anyone who knows Nic)and although Grandma Pat would have absolutely loved to have been able to actually do the tubing with us, she unfortunately couldn't because she has a bad back. Which is just starting to feel better, (thanks to Physical therapy) so she didn't want to risk hurting it any further. We were disappointed she couldn't do it with us but completely agreed it was for the best. Also this way, she could be our personal river "photographer" a job she was more than happy & qualified to do, see Pat is kind of a non-professional "professional" photographer. Meaning she takes incredible pictures, & has for years, some of which have even been published in a friend of hers book but never did it as a "profession" per say, but she's still very talented. I love so many of her photographs. Anyway, we set off to the really long walk from the cabin to the San Juan river, which took all of 2 minutes! LOL! Barb who had driven down to the river bank w/ the tubes, was just putting the last tubes down on the water's edge when we arrived. Two men who were fishing & just leaving had just asked her, "You're not really going to do that, are you?" She was like, "yeah, why?" If I know Barb she might have been thinking, "why CAN'T I?" LOL! :) Like Pat, she's got a bit of spunk! But then they say, "That water is FREEZING!" Oh ok. She tells us what they were saying, & I'm thinking, just great something to look forward too! lol I can attest the men weren't lying... Our butts were freezing!!! But freezing butt or not we took off, The water was VERY VERY LOW! Which was good and bad. The water being low, meant for the most part "speed" wasn't going to be a factor, which for first timers & being we had a child in tow was probably a good thing but because it was very low, all the rocks were exposed. SO there was a lot of "Bum bumping" as Aunt Barbara called it, where the rocks would hit you in your hiney. (if you weren't paying attention & leaning back a little on the tube, it could be painful!) It was a "little" like those lazy rivers at resorts except a lot more dangerous with rocks & falls & every thing. For the most part the current would take you where you needed to go & actually aside from one major "oh shit" moment, I can honestly say Emily & I did really really well for our first time. I was a bit nervous about Emily, I think any mother would be, & add in the fact that Emily sometimes needs a little extra help with things, I might have been a little more anxious when we first started than I tried to let on, Thankfully as luck would have it, the tubes had little hooks on the side so I had pretty much a "death grip" on Emily's. Emily was very brave about the whole thing, & she did really really good but I could tell was a little scared at the 2-3 ft water falls/drops whenever we reached them. I am proud to say that we never tipped over once! I can't say the same for Aunt Barbara, to her credit though it was because she was watching/directed us where to go & perhaps not paying all that much attention to where she was going at the time.. LOL! She only tipped once though. So what was Emily & I's "OH Shit!" moment??? Well at one point while the water was just finishing being rocky , Emily & I got stuck on two separate rocks (the current pushing us in different directions) I held on to Emily's tube for as long as I could & finally had to tell Emily, "I have to let go, it'll be fine but just try not to move too much & I'll catch up to you!" So I let go & Emily floats down, at this point thankfully, a relatively calm section of the water, which was good, but now knowing how the river runs... there's always calm before a "fall" or rocky section so I was a bit anxious to catch up quickly before she came across anything too bumpy, which is a lot easier said than done. You see the water was relatively low but in the middle part of the river, it was about 4 ft. deep & the ROCKS are very very slippery so every time you tried to get a grip on them, you'd slip. I was yelling down the river to Em... "I'm coming Em, just try not to move a lot!" A little more panic in my voice than maybe I wanted to show. But after what felt like 10 minutes struggling to get out of my tube & into a calmer perhaps swimmable section of river, once I managed to get there, I swam as fast as I could to Emily's tube, all the while dragging my tube behind me. I finally reach her & again death gripped her tube's hook, and together safely manage the next set of rocks. I don't think there was a water fall right there but fairly soon after there was. I didn't care what happened, I was holding on to her, cause I definitely felt better when I was holding her hand/tube, especially cause Emily would say, "Oh NO!" every few moments thinking there was a drop coming & I could tell her, "Em... we are fine, this is really FUN, it's going to be fine!" I meant it, it was blast!! I honestly think Emily had fun too, but she get's very nervous over things like this. WE had all talked beforehand that depending on how the first leg of the river went we could get off at this one section, before the last two drops & while Emily kinda said she wanted to stop, I thought it was important to show her we could do it & plus I didn't want to stop, it was way too much fun and I knew we could totally do it no problem. I think it was a good thing to teach her not to give up! SO we did the entire thing, and when it came to the last two water falls we had no problems at all, we came through them right side up & smiling! It wasn't until we re-connected w/ Pat at the end that I realized how tiring it was! Several different times I had to really use my arms to negotiate where our tubes were going. One time we did get too close to the wrong side of the bank & we ended up having our tubes go right into a bunch of low lying tree branches" I went first so I was able to raise up the branches so Emily got through them just fine, I probably was hit by a branch or two but in the rush to control the branches for Emily, honestly couldn't tell you. Even so, the whole thing was so much fun! I would definitely do river tubing again! :) Brian's all for it, so we might just have to try finding something like this in NJ! After having successfully gotten out of the river, Emily & I found a bench to sit on & wait while Pat/Barb took the tubes back to the shop since we all couldn't fit in Barb's car w/ them! It was nice to sit & just watch the river, without having to pay attention to it! Pat came back to pick us up & we headed to do a little "shopping" first at the place we rented the tubes from, Barb had noticed they were having a t-shirt sale & later at this really nice souvenir gift shop in town. As I stated before this is Emily's favorite thing to do, & since she had $44 to spend, all of which was burning a hole in her pocket, she was happy to go, I think this is the only time she likes shopping. The girl normally hates shopping for necessities like clothes, & groceries, but this is fun shopping! Anyway I was all for it as well, cause I wanted to get Brian a t-shirt & get a postcard from the trip. We spent a while in the store & then headed to the "Pagosa Brewing Co." which is both a local micro brewery & a cool place to eat. We were able to get a table outside, Pat, Barb & Nic had all been there before. So they knew all the different beers & had even brought back empty bottles to get 4 more quart sizes of the "Kayaker" Cream Ale beer to go. Apparently this is one of their most popular beers, & has won a lot of awards! Our waiter Chris could easily tell that Barb was a fan of theirs, as she was wearing one of their "Pagosa Brewing Co" T-shirts. Chris was nice & before he could even ask what we wanted to drink. Emily says, "Chris? what else do you have to drink BESIDES beer?" LOL! funny girl! After he goes through the list of drink options for her, she says, "I'll take a "ROOOOOOOT" beer! We then all order our own drinks, & food. I had a BBQ chicken sandwich which was served with their homemade potato salad! YUMMY! & I believe Emily had a cheese quesadilla & Barb and Pat both had the Salmon fish and Chips. The beer battered fries that came with this dish were so good, luckily for all of us it was a very generous portion & we all got to enjoy them. Definitely a favorite for this group! Barb & Pat both also raved about the Salmon! Nic had a burger. Everything was really good! If you are ever in Pagosa Springs CO, I highly recommend this cool funky place, especially if you like beers! We ended the night by going back to the cabin & us ladies soaking in the hot tub which was right there at the Fireside Inn Cabins! They designated a cabin for their guest that was open & had an outdoorsy feel to it, & the only thing in that particular cabin was a hot tub. We had the whole thing to ourselves, as no one else was there. While Barb, Pat & I went in the hot tub, Emily & Uncle Nic played a game of "LOGO Challenge" on my tablet. A game that test peoples knowledge of all kinds of different company "logo's", the fun thing about the game is, anyone can play, & the more people the easier it is, cause everyone knows different ones. Emily really likes it, & I think Nic enjoyed playing it with her. We all had such a nice busy day, & I know, Emily & I went to bed happy & very tired! :)

Saturday, August 31, 2013

New Mexico w/ a side of Colorado Part 2

Well on Sunday we got up relatively early, having packed the night before we were pretty much ready to go in the morning.   Pat had made arrangements to take us all to Pagosa Springs Colorado!! Emily & I have never been to Colorado, so we were SUPER EXCITED!  Especially because we were going to be going tubing on a river! (This would be a first for both of us!)  So after a quick breakfast of bagels, coffee & chocolate milk for Emily we were ready to head out.  Pat is a wonderful host & always plans the neatest things for you to do when you visit,  I had a feeling this one was sure not to disappoint.  It's funny during the drive there & back because of the beautiful scenery & breathtaking views, not to mention Pat's narrative I couldn't tell you how long it took, it wasn't too long, maybe two & 1/2 hours. We stopped at  "The Village of Chama Visitor Information Center" at about the 1/2 way point to wait for Aunt Barb & Uncle Nic who would be joining us... Extra YAY!   We looked around & used the restroom & while waiting for them,  we signed the visitors ledger & announced we were from New Jersey! After a short while longer Aunt Barb & Uncle Nic joined us.  We arrived in Pagosa Springs around lunch time & ate at this quaint bakery that had sandwiches & salads & stuff.  We ate outside, I got a Chicken Panini w. a side salad.  really good.  Emily got a grilled cheese. & of course we all drank WATER!  I'm unfortunately not much of a water drinker normally so that's why I keep mentioning how much water I drank! We were not without our water bottles ever!  After lunch we headed to the cabins where we would be staying, a cool place called Fireside Inn Cabins,  Being it was Colorado,  I expected to be deep in the mountains but apparently there is a major highway that is like the only one to get you from point A to Point B right in the middle of the town of Pagosa Springs, so the Cabins & river were right off this major road,  BUT it still managed to feel homey, because when you were down at the river bank which was within a small walk from the cabin you still felt secluded because you couldn't see the road from there.  The Cabins were really nice, We were in cabin 101 which had a big room that included a living room with a futon bed & a full kitchen w/ a big refrigerator, microwave, coffee pot & even a full stove (which for some reason had only two of the burners that worked,  we managed though) & there was a table for four people.  There was also a master bedroom & a bedroom w/ three twin beds. *bunk beds & then a third pull out bed under the lower bunk. (really roomy)  Pat took the futon, Emily & I took the bunk beds & Barb & Nic were in the master bedroom. Plenty of room for all!  We even had a deer head on the wall to let us know we weren't in NJ anymore... lol! Around 4pm we went to a place called "The Rocky Mountain Wildlife Park" a short drive from the cabins & they had a 4pm feeding time tour.  We saw bears, mountain lions, a gigantic elk, porcupines, wolves, coyotes, goats, emu,  all ready & some impatiently (calling) for their dinners.  The guide was a young woman who was really nice, after her little speech & feedings she asked if there where any questions,  Emily almost always shot her hand up in the air, (even if she didn't have a question ready... LOL!)  The bear was the coolest for me, her name was, "Princess"  she was a really funny bear,  the guide would throw up grapes on top of the enclosure surrounding her & she would get up on her back legs to get them off the top! We could definitely see how BIG she was.... She apparently liked sweets & fruits the best & would carefully pick thru the other foods to get to her favorites, "grapes".  The guide said her absolute favorite thing to eat is "starburst" candies but she only gets them once in a while.  As luck would have it, another guest had some on her & asked the guide if "princess" could have them.  She said sure, & put a few in the bucket of food, don't you know that the bear used it's giant paws to sort thru til she found that tiny candy & ate them up first.  It was so funny! After the tour, & a visit to the "gift" shop- Emily's all time favorite thing to do on any vacation, we headed back to the cabins.  After having seen all those animals eating, I think it made us all hungry! We were ready to eat!  We packed a dinner of "hamburgers & hot dogs" that we were able to grill on the gas grill that the management let you use & even had the entire picnic area to ourselves...there was a cabana that had a fancy wood table w/ wooden bench complete with butt cheek imprints curved out on the wood benches for each member of the party.. we all got a kick out of that! Now let's talk about the "meat"  I knew something was up when I saw it.... these were the biggest hot dogs & darkest hamburgers I ever saw.  I'm not dumb... I knew something was up, they were feeding us BISON!!! :) LOL! But I was good,  I've gotten better at trying things in my old age.   I must admit,  they really didn't taste much different, & Pat/Barb are all about eating "HEALTHY" apparently bison meat has less fat than "traditional" hamburger.  The hot dogs were a mix of bison/ yak! WHAT! haha... It was good though, & along w/ corn on the cob, & baked beans,  we all managed to get quite full!  Emily didn't even notice the hot dog was a little different than usual. LOL! Back at the cabin we played RACKO,  a family favorite of ours.  After teaching Barb the ropes,  we had a nice time playing BONUS I actually won, which doesn't usually happen.  Emily is really good at RackO & usually kicks butt, but not tonight... (cue evil Muauahhhahhh Laugh) I was the big winner!  We all headed to bed, because the next day was the day of "TUBING"  Anyone who knows Emily & I knows we aren't big dare-devils so for us this was huge! We couldn't wait,  see this is on the ground, this we could do, we aren't big "heights" people. But this looked fun!! So we were excited...  


Friday, August 30, 2013

New Mexico w/ a side of Colorado Part 1

Hi... Well Emily & I just returned home from New Mexico.  We had an incredible time!!!  We went there to visit my mother in law, Pat.  Emily was beyond thrilled to see her grandma.  My mother in law,  lives in Santa Fe!  I love New Mexico, & I love this city, while some says it's too brown,  I just love it! I think the mountains are beautiful,  brown with spots of green bush & cactus, lots of pretty yellow wildflowers. The sky is the bluest you'll ever see the clouds come right down to you, or so it seems.   My mother in law is an incredible women, she's 73 but still very active.  She goes to the gym 4 days a week, hikes, kayaks & can truthfully run circles around me.  It's both refreshing & depressing... LOL! ;) We took the train, which I both loathe & like.  The truth is that I really don't mind the train, not even how long it takes to get to your destination,  the horrible part about the train is the lack of sleep, that and the fact that many trains run really late, we are talking several hours late!  Anyway we left on the 14th on a train headed for Chicago, reached Chicago on the 15th & got on another train to take us the rest of the way... another overnight train trip to reach our destination of Lamy NM.  We got in sometime in the afternoon where Pat was waiting for us.   We didn't do much that first night... but Pat made us a yummy "Zucchini" Pie for dinner. It had fresh vegetables from her garden & was really quite good.  Since Emily & I were both so sleepy from having slept only a few hours each night on the train we were more than happy to relax at Pat's house & take it easy that first night.  Considering that Pat doesn't slow down I figured we were in for many adventures while we were there.  Boy, was I right,  On Saturday, as it turned out was the biggest weekend for Santa Fe,  The Indian Market was in town.  This is a huge event for Santa Fe that happens once a year & people from all over the country come to Santa Fe looking for authentic Indian artwork & such.  As Pat says, the people watching is almost as interesting as the artwork.  The "out of towners" were quite obvious,  they would be dressed to the nines in fancy southwestern gear, boots, fancy belts & turquoise jewelry, some of them looked wonderful but many looked just over the top.  When Pat would see a "character" I should look at,  she would always get my attention.  Look over there.  I must admit she was right the people watching was fun,  the artwork was breathtaking however.  There was everything from clay pots, fetishes to beautiful sculptures costing upwards of $35,000.   Pat has quite a collection of "bear" fetishes which are usually small sculptured animals, in her case bears, made of anything from stone, clay, wood, etc.   We had fun at the indian market but it was a pretty hot day, & after not too long Emily got tired & wanted to head back to grandma's.  So Emily went with grandma back to her house & as luck would have it, we ran into Brian's aunt Barbara (Pat's younger sister) who along w/ her husband Nic moved to Santa Fe from Florida about a year before. It's great cause we now get to visit them all in one stop.  I love both Pat & Barb so it's really wonderful in that way.  Hopefully it means we'll get to see more of all of them. So Barb & I continued to "mostly" browse,  I say mostly because Barb ended up buying this very nice painting from this young artist.  It was on re-used ledger paper,  meaning you could still "see" the book-keepers markings behind his painting.  It was really cool & depicted the backs of a young indian mother & her baby & another (perhaps) daughter.   The funny part was the artist unknowingly made fun of me, well maybe not me, but of my state.  Barb was talking to him about another potential customer that was there earlier & whether he bought one of the pieces,  and he goes & says... "NO, but he's from New Jersey, what does he know!" HAHAHAHA... Barb then says, "well she's from NJ" & he just is standing there like oh shit... how did I just put my foot in my mouth.  I'm just like, "yeah.. what's that about"  haha.. a few minutes later Barb shakes his hand & he reaches out to shake mine & I say, "well I'll shake you hand, even if you did diss my state"  we were all smiling.. He said, "well you don't sound like you're from NJ", *We DON'T all sound like that!!! Ugh... haha Barb & I decided to grab a quick lunch, so she said that these fried flatbread green chili hamburgers from one of the many food vendors that was there, was really yummy! So I said, "sounds good" when I'm in New Mexico, I'm up for eating all things.   Anyway they sure were yummy, & the green chili's on it weren't too hot! :) After a quick visit to her/Pat's church, we got back in the car and she took me back over to Pat's house.  After a few minutes of relaxing, Pat had to go to meet one of the artist at the Indian Market who would be available to speak with her, because she wanted to to find out if he was the artist who made a particular piece she has.  So while Pat went to the Market, Emily & I after filling up our water bottles decided to head over to the local park, (only a block away from Pat's house) Emily had fun & was able to run around & such.   I of course kept reminding her to "drink"  It's apparently very easy to become dehydrated, because of the heat & the elevation in New Mexico.  So Pat lets everyone know that unless you want to have a headache or worse the entire time you're here... you need to DRINK!!!  I've never drank so much water in my life as I did that week. LOL! But I wanted to feel good so I was very good at following that rule & making sure that Emily did too. We came back & Pat was back by then, I think she was surprised Emily played so long at the park considering it was hot & Emily tires easily.   The rest of the day we spent mostly relaxing but Pat cooked chicken on the grill, along with corn on the cob, salad & broccoli for a very healthy yummy dinner.  Barb & Nic came over & we all enjoyed a nice dinner outside in Pat's awesome yard.  She has several hummingbird feeders, a lil' waterfall & it's just a nice place to be, BUT on this particular day we were surrounded by flies.  Which Pat says was very un-usual.  it was weird,  cause the night before we didn't have any when we ate dinner outside.  Despite the flies it was a nice dinner & it was really nice to see Barb & Nic as well.  I was hoping they would be around this week, they travel quite a bit, just like Pat so the fact they were around was such a great bonus.   After cleaning up, we went to bed early that night cause the next day we would be heading to.... COLORADO!!!


Tuesday, August 13, 2013


You don't have to understand me,  but if you're in my life, If I'm close to you, then I hope that you know my heart enough to know what my true intentions are.  I don't hurt people to hurt them.  I'm not conniving or sneaky & I don't try to cause rifts between others. Of course I don't like to be used or treated unfairly either.  I will call you out on it because I speak my truth, the only one I have.  I am not a perfect person but my faults generally only hurt myself, and If you tell me that something I did hurt you, then know it wasn't with any malice intend and If pain was what you felt then I'm truly sorry.  But I would NEVER intentionally cause another person harm because I've been cut & judged a lot.  I hate it!!!!  I want to help people not hurt them.  I want to lift people up not cut them down & if you don't know that about me, well then you really don't know me... at all.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I'm proud to announce....

the birth of another blog of mine.... www.alifebegunthebook.blogspot.com Come visit it!  You will learn all about the book, A Life Begun that my husband wrote for & about our daughter Emily who was born very premature and weighed 14.7 ounces.   We have decided to try & sell the book to not only provide hope to others, but we will be using the profits to help with Emily's college expenses.   She's so smart... has received straight A's since first grade & will be entering 7th grade this upcoming school year! :) SO PROUD! I can't even tell you how fast the time has gone,  what I can tell you is that Brian & I looked & looked for a book about a baby "as small" as Emily when she was first born to give us hope and we couldn't find one.  So Brian decided to share our story in the hopes that it would help others who are living & breathing the NICU with there own micro-preemies.  There is hope, & this book surely will provide that to parents of premature babies or anyone who is in need of some. :)

Monday, July 29, 2013

Pics of Virginia Beach :)

                                                                   Girl meets Ocean
                                                          The view from our hotel room
                                                                    Yum! Ice Cream
                                                                    Yummy Pizza
                                                                     Emily on the slide
                                                                        Fishy sculptures
                                                    The Chesapeake Bay bridge & tunnel
                                                                   Emily on the Bridge
 Emily & the Sand Castle sculpture

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Our Virginia Beach weekend getaway!

Well today we returned from our weekend getaway to Virginia Beach.  This was the first time I went there that I can remember.  When I was around 6 years old, my family took a Virginia vacation but I'm not sure we actually did the BEACH there NOR do I actually remember anything about it.  SO like I was saying, this was my first trip there. Anyway, my aunt & I were complaining last summer about not having done anything, so earlier this year,  my husband & I got to talking about it.  He just started a new job & definitely couldn't take any time off this summer since he has no time to take. (not to mention.. he's definitely NOT a "beach" person.  I know I know... seems insane, right?) Well maybe insane is too strong of a word,  since I'm not much of a "beach" person myself.  It's not that I don't like the beach, it's just a lot of "work" what with having to lug everything down to the beach:  the towels, chairs, sunscreen, beach toys, everything & I'm not really into lying there soaking up rays.  I guess I have a bit of ADD &I suppose I'm a little lazy too, although then again wouldn't that make me ENJOY lying there, so I'm not really sure, what it is, perhaps it's just "heat & me" have never really been friends.  I figure what's the point, I don't like feeling HOT!   BUT I do love looking at the ocean & the serenity of it.  So it's got it's good & not so good.  Anyway we thought a weekend some where would be nice, & the truth is almost every time I've ever went to the shore I've had a great time!!! It's more the idea of going to the shore that I find exhausting.. LOL! So Brian suggested that maybe Emily & I could go somewhere with my aunt & we could use his "Marriott" points so that the hotel would be free for the weekend.  Wasn't that nice of him?  I thought so.... we then decided on somewhere not too far, maybe 5 or 6 hours & decided on Virginia Beach!!! We chose to stay at the "Fairfield Inn" which was right on the beach for 2 nights, it would be Emily, my aunt Barbara & I on the trip.  A girl's weekend! :)   We ended up staying at the "Courtyard" right on the beach because for some reason the "Fairfield Inn" was all booked up or closed for renovations or something & they sent Brian an email sometime after we booked saying they needed to move us to the Courtyard.  I didn't really care, as long as it was RIGHT ON THE BEACH!  That is until "I" looked at the re-reservation  2 days before our trip & realized that we no longer had 2 doubles but rather a king & a sofabed. Which was annoying since it would mean my aunt & I would have to sleep in one bed unless one of us slept on the sofabed.  Since all I could think about was Elaine from Seinfeld & the episode where she sleeps on the sofabed & is in agonizing pain the entire weekend, I wasn't tooo keen on the idea of any of us on it. BUT since Emily is a kid, & thus probably like every other kid immune for some reason to the pain of the thin mattress &/Or the "bar" digging in to the back of your spine from the sofa bed was chosen to sleep on it. (we tried calling to see if we could get 2 doubles but no they were all taken)  The annoying part to me is that we booked the room months ago & booked it for "doubles" & they up & switched it to a king without verifying before hand that was ok.  I used the power of "twitter" to voice my grievance, not that it helped any but for some reason still made me feel better & I was able to let that lil' hiccup go.  My aunt ended up staying here Thursday night, so we could get up & go on Friday.  We ended up leaving the house around 6:30 AM & got to Virginia by 1 or 1:30 or so.  NOT TOO BAD! :) Plenty of the day left.  We went to the hotel, got a parking pass & managed to get to the beach by 2pm.  The weather was beautiful, we stayed on the beach until about 4 or 4:30 the time we were allowed to officially check in.  When we finally checked in we got special treatment at check in because Brian is "platinum elite".  Which essentially meant we got to pick out something from the market Or get extra Marriott points AND we got COOKIES at check in! Serious PERKS! LOL! (what can I say?  being a stay at home mom I don't get out much!) Anyway, we checked out the room & then went to the pool!  Which was really nice.   It was kinda "L" shaped & had several water falls & a little slide from one section to the other.  Emily & I had so much fun in the water together.  We even got my aunt to go down the slide with us at one point. That was really fun!  We ended up going out to eat for dinner at this place called "Dough Boy"  It was a pizza place but they had other things as well.  We got dinner & Emily got Ben & Jerry's & we didn't get back to the hotel til' probably after nine.  So far so good, day #1 went well. :) Day #2 was pretty much a repeat of day #1 with one exception we went to this really cool breakfast diner, called "Pocahontas Pancakes & Waffles" SOOOOO incredible good! We noticed there was a "food network" stamp on the menu so Emily asked if they were on food network since she's really into food network.  The waitress told us YES! Emily asked if it was, "Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives? The waitress said yes and Emily thought that was really cool!  Beach, pool time w/ alcoholic beverages for Barb & me, a virgin cocktail for Emily, & then back to room to shower & change followed.  Then we headed out to explore the "non-board" board walk! *Believe us as Jersey Girls that was NOOOOO Board walk... LOL!! :) But still... we didn't know quite what we wanted to do for dinner so decided to just keep walking til we figured it out.  Which was neat.  Every block would be a "statue" or "Sculpture" The best one by far was the big & I mean BIG statue of "Neptune"!!!! They also had fish, dolphins, giant sea shells, a big giant sculptured sand castle, etc.  We ended up walking from our hotel on 37th Street to 17th street & then just decided to go to another of the "Dough Boy" pizzeria's but this time get pizza since it looked so good from the night before. After much debate w/ our waiter w/ the beautiful blue eyes, we decided to go w/ the "pan pizza" one!!! Yum-0 We definitely made the right decision!   It was almost 9 when we finally left the restaurant, a bath room stop & another trip to Ben & Jerry's finished up the day! Except for a few hiccups... (indigestion & non-sleep & a sunburnt forehead) the trip was really fun!!!! :)  Each night ended for me w/ some time on the hotel balcony with it's spectacular view of the OCEAN!!!!! Incredible!  The sound of the ocean was very relaxing to me, even if the height of the balcony wasn't! I was proud for mustering through the fear to take in the sight/sound of the ocean! It was too short a trip, but the weather gods were good to us & I was really grateful we got to take it! :) So much fun, the views, the people, the scenery, the vibe,  I really liked it here & if u are looking for a vacation, I'd really recommend giving Virginia Beach a try!

Thursday, July 25, 2013

My favorite easy smoothies

So I have one of those "magic bullets" (no this isn't some weird "adult" toy) It's those blender things *they used to be infomercials for them on all the time! I got my at Kohl's though! :)  It's basically a high powered mini blender.  BUT I'm sure any kind of blender would work.  Anyway... I take about 6 oz of juice, I usually use apple juice cause it's what I always have in my house.  But I've also used orange & it was really good!  Any juice will work though.  I buy frozen mixed berries.  Frozen fruit works SOOOO awesome in smoothies also you don't have the pressure of it going bad before you use it up like w/ regular fruit.  I've read a few articles & each has said frozen fruit is actually better because it is frozen right after the fruit is picked, thus far maintaining all it's nutritious :) YAY! & it's sooo much easier.  I have started to buy yogurt in bulk. *my shoprite has a 12 pack of Activia for like $6.00, on sale. so I buy when ever I see it for that price.  I put a few in the freezer & when I want to use them I run them under HOT water for about 30 seconds so they pop right out of their little plastic container.  This is my last ingredient.  I blend the juice, frozen fruit & frozen yogurt up & that's it! super easy & super yum PLUS I never throw away yogurt anymore because as I use them in the freezer, I replace w/ ones from the refrigerator & also if I haven't eaten all the ones in the refridge, I just put them in freezer before their expiration date!!!! :) AWESOME!! :) DO try this, you will love it!!!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Movie Review: Take This Waltz

This movie stars Michelle Williams as a young wife named Margot who's married to the very adorable Lou played by always likeable Seth Rogan.  (side note: he's my newest celeb crush!) The movie begins with Margot on a working vacation, there she encounters a man at a tourist attraction, &again later on the plane when he happens to have the sit next to her.  They chit chat & decide to get a cab together, & during the ride home discover an attraction for each other, enough so that Margot confesses to Daniel at the end of the ride, That she's married,  to which he replies... "That's too bad, I live right here" just a few houses away from her own.  "Oh Shit!" says Margot.  The thing that is revealed is that Margot & Lou have a sweet, playful, seemingly happy marriage except on one front... they are in the "comfortable" stage.  Margot longs for more "excitement" thus fairly quickly begins having not so random encounters w/ Daniel.. for instance going to the grocery store at 5:30 am because that is when he leaves in the morning.  Margot & Daniel steal away moments, but Margot is trying hard to avoid the temptations.   But does she, & what consequences could that have.  The grass looks mighty green from the other side of the fence, but is it?  Next time you're looking for a good movie to watch, why not give it a try.  I highly recommend it!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

"Perfect" By Melissa Williams

My life hasn't been perfect
I suppose that this is true
But If I change my thinking
In moments there's been quite a few

That first brush at love
The words longed to hear
The kiss that drew me in
and I had nothing left to fear

I don't think of what was lost
Things change & people too
But those moments I had
I will carry through

Finding someone special
Who shared my point of view
Who made me smile
& awakened feelings long overdue

But along with a new love
Life begins to bring fears
Thank goodness a lover a partner
A wiper of the tears

Beginning a life, as a family
A daughter more amazing than words can define
Through triumph & tragedies
We stand together & shine

It's never easy & life brings hard times
But if I look at those moments & reflect
There's no way I could deny
I've had my share of perfect

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Movie Review: Blue Valentine

I've been meaning to watch this movie since I first heard of it.  It has two of my current favorite actors in it.  Ryan Gosling & Michelle Williams.  WOW!! What an emotional roller coaster of a movie. The movie starts out simply with a young girl calling out, "Megan!!!!".  You find out quickly that Megan is a dog & that the little girl (around 6yo)Frankie is the daughter to Dean (Ryan)& Cindy(Michelle).   Dean & his daughter, who you can tell have an incredibly loving relationship, are unable to find the dog but later on when Cindy leaves work to get to daughter Frankie's school concert where Dean is waiting for her.  Cindy finds the dog dead on the side of the road.  What a melancholy beginning... huh???  Both Cindy & Dean are devastated over the dog's death &Dean wanting to "get out of this house", suggest that he & Cindy leave Frankie w/ her Grandpa & use a gift certificate they have to one of those cheesy love-nest "theme" hotels.  A seemingly nice thing for him to do.... Cindy doesn't seem so up for the idea but ultimately goes with it & this is the first "REAL" inkling that all is not right w/ their marriage.   The rest of the movie is basically a telling of the evolution of their relationship..  through flashbacks you learn about how they meet, quickly fall in love & must make fast decisions when a teenage Cindy finds out she's pregnant by her recently broke up w/ ex boyfriend. During the overnight stay at the hotel you learn just how far they have fallen in their relationship. The acting in the movie is superb & especially Ryan who plays Dean with such a sweetness & vulnerability that really endears you to him, so much so it's very difficult to feel sympathy for Cindy who you quickly suspect is not as in love with Dean.  Honestly while watching the flashbacks you wonder why Cindy would ever fall out of love w/ him.    At least that was the case for me.  Dean did all the right things, came to a young Cindy's rescue & although they try hard to show his faults, you still end up liking him. (Side Note... the film makers try very hard to make the older Dean appear un-attractive with receding hairline & thick glasses, however there is nothing they can do to make that six pack un-attractive LOL!, he's gorgeous.. bad hair and all!) This movie is both incredibly romantic & bitterly heartbreaking... it's so believable, for any person who's ever been in a relationship with anyone who at one point was exactly the person they needed & loved with all their heart, but still ultimately the relationship fizzled will connect with this movie so much. If you're like me it will leave you feeling melancholy too.  Even being left feeling that way, I was very happy that I finally caught this movie on Showtime.  Check it out if you haven't yet, it's definitely worth investing your time watching.

Not a ball full of fun post...

I've been in a bad funk lately... I'll work through it,  I will, but for right now it's rough.  Sometimes I wish I was a different person,  a braver person.  It often makes me sad.  Which makes me feel guilty cause for all the 'poor' me, I know in ways I'm the richest luckiest person & have been blessed with so much.  It doesn't change the fact that in moments I wish I could do better.  I wish that I was living my life with more confidence.  I've had a self esteem issue for most of my life, not feeling good enough---wanting to please people but often times at the expense of not putting my self on the list at all.  Then, having not put my self on the list in so long, being fearful of the outcome of doing that.  I know I'm being very cryptic here, & I guess it's just not wanting to fully explain my inner most secrets to the world but still hoping I feel better by writing this, even if not for anyone else but me, & those others who do understand.  I write this for you & I...

Thursday, May 9, 2013

It's been 12 years today that I lost my mom & yet sometimes the pain feels so strong it seems like only yesterday. I love & miss her so much! Mostly I can deal w/ the pain but the anniversary of her death always falls around Mother's day, & I always fall apart a little because it's hard seeing all the mother day commercials & celebrations, & not wish so much she were here. I was really lucky to have her in my life for 29 yrs but the "missing" pain never goes away & it's the simple things in life that constantly remind me of her absence. The new country song she would like, the lifetime movie on Saturday night, sharing moments & seeing her reaction to them...the simple things. If you're lucky enough to still have your mom.. be a little kinder, take a little more time. I promise you her nagging & what have you, won't be what you remember, let things slide & take moments in the chaos of life to tell her how much she's loved.

I miss you Mom!

RIP Mommy... I miss you so much! Been thinking about you a lot lately... it's been 12 yrs today, & the missing you never ends. I love you & I hope I told you enough that you were sure of it.  I hope others tell their loved ones while they still have time!  I miss you so much & hope you are able to see how remarkable our Miss Emily is... she's something else, isn't she? I love you, always thinking of you.

Margaret Bory
11/19/1949 - 5/9/2001

Saturday, May 4, 2013

There's this...

I think Van Morrison's "moondance" album is one of the best albums ever!   That is it, carry on...

Thursday, May 2, 2013

A never-ending pain...

Today....I'm thinking about my sister in law Eileen.  Her mom Mary died on Monday evening after a short battle w/ cancer.  I've wanted to reach out, but I know they've all been so busy.. her mom lived over an hour away & it's been very hard on Eileen, my brother in law Rob & their boys not only because her mom meant so much to them all, but the running back & forth to visit her & the quickness of her down turn.  I don't want us to be a bother... & yet I don't want them to think we don't care. I've been thinking about them all so much, & having experienced the pain of losing my own mother, know how difficult it is.   We did send them a card to let them know we were thinking about them a few weeks ago.  The viewing is today.  My heart is so broken for them, but especially for Eileen.  I know she & her mother were close, & I know that this must be so hard for her.  I'm sure she is surrounded by her big Irish family, & Pat, my mother in law has let us know that Mary was surrounded by family & died after the priest was there. This morning I was thinking about them, & I just started crying hysterically... I mean it. The kind where you can't get your breathe, the tears flowing & loud sobbing cries, it was surprising to me, I think it just surfaced all the pain I keep hidden that I still feel from the loss of my mom.  She wasn't surrounded by anyone, but doctors & nurses, died in the middle of the night. I wonder if she was afraid.  I wonder if she knew how very much we loved her. How much we still do!  I guess I needed it, & I guess that's the way life is, you can't suppress you pain forever, sometimes you're reminded of it, because of someone else's pain.  You put yourself in their shoes & when you've already been there, it just re-ignites your own pain again.  I know that Eileen's mother was very religious & Eileen is too. I hope it brings them all comfort that she's in a better place & I hope that & memories ease their pain.  But I know, she'll always think of her mom, just like I do.  It never ends... the missing. 

Monday, April 29, 2013


Just wanted to stop on here to give our family team, "Team Emily CR-213" a BIG shout out!! SO PROUD OF OUR TEAM!! We raised $2,721.00!!!! WOW that's our biggest amount ever for the March of Dimes! YAY! GO TEAM!

Friday, April 26, 2013


Our team is at $2,211.00 so far!! BUT I still need you help to reach my personal goal!! IF your reading this, will you think about making a small donation of $5 or $10 to my effort! THANK YOU! :) So excited about the walk on Sunday. Should be fuN!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 15, 2013


I like birds.  I always have.  I notice them. I'm not a bird watcher per say. I don't go out specifically looking for them.  But I'm the type of person who notices them, & If I see a cool bird, I'll make a mental note of it.  The other day after getting Emily on the bus, I heard a woodpecker. I looked up,  staring up at that tree until I saw him.  I couldn't make out much more than the shadow of him & his back & forth motion.. but it still made me smile.  Then a few days later,  I was walking home from the bus stop after Emily was picked up for school, & noticed this bird, an ordinary bird, I think it was a robin,  it was pecking at my neighbors window as I was walking by his house, it was the weirdest thing.   It was hanging (flying in place) around the window & every now & then flying at or pecking at the window, making it very obvious that it was there.  It seemed like it wanted something. I can't describe it better than that.  The neighbor came out of the house, kinda moaning, "this damn bird, this has been going on for the last few days.."  We chit chatted a bit, & I said, "I've never seen anything like that" It was odd.  Anyway the same day later in the day, Emily & I were taking a walk & I noticed the bird again in the same place, flying around the window than sitting on a V shaped hanger thing on the corner of the house.  I then noticed it, a small bird house or bird feeder. I think the damn bird was "asking" for his dinner.  I don't know why but this really impressed me. I'm sure if it was me in the house being disturbed by the bird I might have taken it a different way but ofcourse it wasn't & I was just impressed that the bird was requesting his meal.  Or atleast that was my take on it.  It's not like the bird & I had a conversation about it or anything.  It's been a few days since seeing the bird & when I walked by the house I noticed the bird feeder is no longer there.  I think the bird is thinking, "well damn"

Sunday, April 14, 2013

A "feel good" post

Hi Everyone.. Happy Sunday! It's been a nice weekend.  Our family started, "Juicing".  A few years ago my husband got into juicing because he was having some health issues.  The juicing did help him, BUT as is often the case, he did it for awhile & stopped.  BUT while he was doing it he did "feel" better & had lost a lot of weight.  Anyway,  he decided to start up again.  BUT this time around I decided it would benefit Emily & I too.  I'm ready.  Been feeling terrible lately, not to mention I'm at the heaviest I've ever been which has just put me in a funk.  Anyway... Friday night, Saturday & today we've juiced as a family.... & I don't know about the rest of them but I feel pretty good.  Also I took 3 walks this week. So I'm feeling a little energized & proud of myself. :) GO ME! LOL!  Here's a picture of what we juiced on Saturday! Antioxidants galore!

Thursday, April 11, 2013


We walk every year in March for Babies, which is a walk to help premature babies.  This is ofcourse because our own daughter Emily was born very premature back in November of 2000.  This will be our 11th time walking.  We are very proud of that,  but each year it is a challenge to try & get donations.  Don't get me wrong, we are extremely blessed w/ good friends & families but ofcourse we want to raise as much as we can for this worthy charity,  one that we care so much about on such a personal level.  We believe that through their work, & advances in premature babies care, we owe them a great deal. If Emily had been born only 10 yrs before she was her outcome could have been very different.   SO we are beyond grateful to them & it means the world to us to be able to give back & it feels so damn good too!  SO This year we decided to do something different.  We call it a win-win for everyone. Aside from the normal fund-raising we'll do, we wanted to do a little something extra to help raise money & it involves my husband Brian's book, "A LIFE BEGUN" about Emily's birth & our time in the NICU which is now available to buy.  The book is really good, & I know I'm bias but everyone who has ever read it has said the same thing.  In fact just the other day, Brian got an email from someone who said, it was "WONDERFUL simply WONDERFUL! She was crying at her desk at work because she couldn't stop reading!"  But anyway,  enough of my gushing over my husband's book, it honestly just comes from the pride I feel for him having wrote it, & for us having lived through the most difficult bitter-SWEET time in our lives.  BUT you'll have to buy the book to get the FULL story of all we endured & the lessons we learned because of it.  Which finally brings me to the real point of this blog post.  We have decided we will give 20% of the profits we make off book sales NOW until 4/27/2013. The day before the walk.  IF you buy the book before 4/27/2013 we will calculate 20% of the money we make off sales & personally donate that amount to March of Dimes before our walk on 4/28/2013.  SO right now is the PERFECT time to read it, cause not only will you get to read a great book but you'll get a chance to help us, help babies.   xoxo

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

WHY we WALK In March for babies, & why we need ur help! TY!

This is why we walk in March of Dimes...

When I first became pregnant, I was scared, stressed and so EXCITED too. It was at a most difficult time in my life. My mom, Margaret who was my rock my whole life had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Ovarian cancer, about a year or so before. My Mom and I were extremely close. So close that she and my baby brother (14) at the time lived with my husband and I. So I was devastated when it seemed like my Mom wasn't winning her battle with her cancer. We needed a miracle.. we had no idea it would come in the form of a new baby. I never had really thought much about having a baby. I LOVED children but Emily was a bit of a surprise!! I call her my gift from God!! I can't imagine my life today with out her. She is my LIFE, and I've never been happier. When Emily was born however it wasn't a typical happy birth. It was a scary devastating time. It was compounded because my Mom was so sick too. Emily was born very premature. She was what they call a micro-preemie. I had never seen a baby so small, in fact I had no idea there were babies that small. She weighed 14.7 ounces and was 10 inches long. I remember looking at her and thinking how can she survive? IT wasn't easy. It was a long 6 month journey of ups and the scariest downs you can imagine. Yes, we thought we would lose her many times. She had 4 major surgeries before she was 6 months old. The first one when she weighed still less than a pound and was only 7 days old. That was just one of many times they told us, "She probably will not make it". She had lung infections, UTI's, bowel surgeries, sepsis, countless blood transfusions, eye surgery, and so many xrays, blood sticks, work ups, etc. Her poor little feet still show the marks from all the blood sticks she needed. ALL of these things were done to her before she was 6 months old and all in the attempt to save her life. It was painful to know that she was in pain. TO know that there was little that my husband and I could do for her. But we were there, everyday in every way we could be. I was so torn.... between being with my Mom and being with my daughter. My Mom let me know that I was to be with my daughter and that was it. Her taking that decision out of my hands was an example of her love for me. But it was still a torture for me. The two most important females in my life.... both fighting for their lives. And me feeling helpless to do anything about it. I did what I could and now when I look back, I don't know how we got through it. Emily finally started to improve but unfortunately my Mom had fought as hard and long as she could. I lost my Mom and the world lost a great woman on May 9, 2001 and Emily came home on May 17, 2001. It was a very bittersweet time and I got through it because of Emily. I know she is a gift from God. My Mom knew it too and that brings me such comfort. Today, Emily is doing so great! She is a happy/healthy 12 year old. She is in the advanced placement class at school. We are so proud of the fact that she has gotten straight A's final year grades since she started going to school. She is now in 5th grade! She is so full of life! She sings and dances through it! Now why am I sharing all of this with you. Well for one thing... We felt so helpless when Emily was born that our family decided to do something to help others. We decided to start walking in the March of Dimes Walk America/ March for Babies. Our first walk was in 2003. This year we will be walking in our 11th walk. We have raised over 10 thousand dollars for the March of Dimes... I'm proud of that, and I know my Mom would be too. So please I am asking you if you can to please make a donation to our Team Emily. The link is on my wall page or just click below:

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Swiffer, Another reason to love!!

Hey Guys! I have something really cool to share. Super excited about this. As you know,  I always like sharing things, especially products that I like or don't like.  SO a couple of days ago I tweeted how much I love & missed using the Swiffer.  Ours had broken a couple months back & because I was trying to save money we were using our sponge mop & how much I missed my Swiffer mop because A) the sponge mop just moved the dirt around & B) how I have to go back & clean up the line of dirt the Mop would leave!! & finally that I was happy to report that we used a lil' of our tax return money to get another one & that made me happy!  Didn't think much of it, I was just doing what I do, sharing, I tend to tweet a lot & to share random things on twitter like this. SO I was surprised when I got a tweet back from Swiffer asking me to DM (Direct Message- for all you twitter virgins)them. So I did & they said thank you for the shout out about Swiffer & that they wanted to send me a "treat".  I was so happy, & honestly thought maybe I'd get a sample/ or coupon.  :) I thought it was so cool that they acknowledged their customers like that.   Anyway this morning.. I hear a noise & look outside to see the fed-ex truck leaving & there's this big package on my step!! I thought it was something Brian must have ordered & was super surprised when it said "Swiffer" on the return label.  Anyway... Here's some pictures of what their idea of a "treat" was... I was really blown away by their generosity.  The cost of these products to buy would be $40-$50. WOW! The note reads,

Dear Melissa,
Here at Swiffer, we believe no one should have to use a sponge mop. Please use these products to clean up the line of dirt that your mop has left behind.  In this box you will find a WetJet, a box of Extra Power pads, & our brand new Gain-scented solution and wet cloths.  Thanks for the shout out on twitter and have fun cleaning!
Proctor & Gamble

 Needless to say they have a fan for life!! I'm telling everyone I know about how great their products are & will never try again to go back to my "sponge mop" I guess it's going to have to be making eyes at the broom. or better yet the trash can, "who's that lady"!! Anyway anyone who knows that commercial, knows what I'm talking about. hehe... :)  Happy cleaning indeed! Thanks Swiffer! :)

Twitter Bios....

SO I am going to change my twitter bio & so I'm putting my old one(s) here just in case I ever want to know what I thought about myself at some point... or if I ever want to use them again! :)

1-"I'm Missy, a neurotic type, trying 2 convince myself the world isn't as scary as I believe it 2 b, then tsunami's happen & I'm like wtf, NOT helpful."

2 March 2013-"I'm Missy,  more granola than girly girl. democrat. proud mom. can be lonely in a crowd of people or crowded in a group of two"

3- (NEXT ONE) I'm Missy, I've been told I'm a worry-wart & that has me concerned" 

Monday, March 18, 2013

The book, "A Life Begun" is available NOW! :)


My husband Brian wrote a book about our experience surrounding the birth of our daughter Emily who was born very premature & only weighed 14 ounces.  She came at a time when we were praying for a miracle because my mom was dying of cancer & we were praying & praying that we would get a miracle, & we did just not the one we were expecting. Sometimes you don't always get what you want but you get what you NEED!  Please check it out by clicking on the link.  It's available for ebook for $5.99.  If you do read it, would you please review it.  Thank you!! :) xoxo

Friday, February 15, 2013

Let's be real...Marriage is HARD! (a day after Valentine's day post)

"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen

Marriage is hard, there are no two ways around it.  It's a constant compromise, & sometimes quite disappointing.  Even when you love one another. Because while you love each other, sometimes what your need of your spouse is different than what your spouse can give.  It's hard to give, when you feel stressed over all that life throws you & you feel like you have nothing left to give to someone else.  Life is so full of must do, must be, must everything for all of us... that between all the things you or your spouse have going on, the thing that often times gets left out is what you need more than anything which is showing in smalls way that you still love one another.  It's true, a happy marriage requires work, but when one or both don't feel good either from an illness or some other stresses in life.  When life feels so exhausting already, having to "work" at your marriage might just be something you don't seem to think you can do.   I used to think that people only got divorced because they didn't love one another or because they wanted someone else.  But I don't think that anymore... I think sometimes it just becomes all too much & while I believe in "through sickness & in health" & "'til death do us part"  I  can understand why some marriages end.  It's hard... & exhausting to continually not only work out your own issues but remember how those affect your partner's life as well.  When you're young you think of things in very straightforward terms... if you love one another you get married & you live happily ever after.  But I don't believe that anymore... I know it's hard & I imagine it's too hard for some. However for me, I believe in the marriage vows we took & I want nothing more than to stay married forever.  But like everything in life I can understand how just wanting something is not always enough. But for me, it's more than "wanting" it's knowing, and what I know is this.... I love my husband & I know that he loves me too,So all the work all the moments of my marriage when it's hard, & seems almost too hard.  I'll remind myself of Dory in "Finding Nemo" and I'll "Just keep swimming... " cause for all it's heartache, the truth is there is a reason you married your spouse, & a reason you committed yourself to stay together in "sickness and in health" & it's still there buried at times, but there at the core of my marriage & probably yours to.. the love that you feel for one another & that they are still the one person who has your back above anyone else in your life.  That to me is marriage, & that has never changed from the day we said our "I do's" & hopefully never will & so that's why I keep swimming even when the water is cold & murky, cause it's my marriage & I have faith that another tide will come along & take us to some crystal blue water where we can float for a while & all the work & time will have been worth it.