A never-ending pain...

Today....I'm thinking about my sister in law Eileen.  Her mom Mary died on Monday evening after a short battle w/ cancer.  I've wanted to reach out, but I know they've all been so busy.. her mom lived over an hour away & it's been very hard on Eileen, my brother in law Rob & their boys not only because her mom meant so much to them all, but the running back & forth to visit her & the quickness of her down turn.  I don't want us to be a bother... & yet I don't want them to think we don't care. I've been thinking about them all so much, & having experienced the pain of losing my own mother, know how difficult it is.   We did send them a card to let them know we were thinking about them a few weeks ago.  The viewing is today.  My heart is so broken for them, but especially for Eileen.  I know she & her mother were close, & I know that this must be so hard for her.  I'm sure she is surrounded by her big Irish family, & Pat, my mother in law has let us know that Mary was surrounded by family & died after the priest was there. This morning I was thinking about them, & I just started crying hysterically... I mean it. The kind where you can't get your breathe, the tears flowing & loud sobbing cries, it was surprising to me, I think it just surfaced all the pain I keep hidden that I still feel from the loss of my mom.  She wasn't surrounded by anyone, but doctors & nurses, died in the middle of the night. I wonder if she was afraid.  I wonder if she knew how very much we loved her. How much we still do!  I guess I needed it, & I guess that's the way life is, you can't suppress you pain forever, sometimes you're reminded of it, because of someone else's pain.  You put yourself in their shoes & when you've already been there, it just re-ignites your own pain again.  I know that Eileen's mother was very religious & Eileen is too. I hope it brings them all comfort that she's in a better place & I hope that & memories ease their pain.  But I know, she'll always think of her mom, just like I do.  It never ends... the missing.