Not a ball full of fun post...

I've been in a bad funk lately... I'll work through it,  I will, but for right now it's rough.  Sometimes I wish I was a different person,  a braver person.  It often makes me sad.  Which makes me feel guilty cause for all the 'poor' me, I know in ways I'm the richest luckiest person & have been blessed with so much.  It doesn't change the fact that in moments I wish I could do better.  I wish that I was living my life with more confidence.  I've had a self esteem issue for most of my life, not feeling good enough---wanting to please people but often times at the expense of not putting my self on the list at all.  Then, having not put my self on the list in so long, being fearful of the outcome of doing that.  I know I'm being very cryptic here, & I guess it's just not wanting to fully explain my inner most secrets to the world but still hoping I feel better by writing this, even if not for anyone else but me, & those others who do understand.  I write this for you & I...