Friday, October 2, 2020

2020 What a shit show.

 SO this year, it's been such a difficult year, that I haven't had much of a desire to "re-live" it by writing about it.   BUT..it hasn't all been bad.  I'll start with the good things.... 1st) Emily is doing quite well with her college courses.  She isn't on campus this semester & quite honestly it's been nice,  she hasn't had to navigate campus living, and all that entails ALONG with the added stress of Covid-19.  She's been able to concentrate on just her classes.  She has yet to get her mid term grades back BUT...all evidence supports that she's doing well.  The professors have until the 13th to actually put the grades up. I'm sure she's doing good.  She's been getting up on time, on her own.  Seems to be completing all her assignments, etc.  She absolutely loves all her professors & is trying to get to know her fellow college-mates.  That's the hard part, but some of the professors let the kids go into 3 or 4 student break out sessions, it's during those they have a bit of a chance to get to know one another.  At least that is what I've been able to get out of Emily... lol.  We've been trying to give her as much independence w/ college as we can since that's how it would be on campus.  SO aside from the occasional trying to get info from her, we are pretty much leaving her alone about it.  2nd) We have enjoyed having Brian at home more.  He's been working remotely.  In many ways, it's made life easier.  His work is a long commute & he used to not get home until quite late, & then dinner was late.  Not to mention the financial strain the long commute caused, it's one side effect from this covid crap, that hasn't been completely bad. I never have to worry about not having a ride to work either.   3) We actually had a nice little weekend vacation to Lake George NY the end of August. It was part for my birthday, part for Brian's passion for hiking.  It's always been a hobby of his, but over the last few years it's become an even bigger passion. He really LOVES it, not to mention it's been a safe activity to do during the shutdowns & virus!  It's hard, because in NJ there's only so many places he can hike that he's actually interested in hiking.  Brian likes cool views, with higher elevations, & just experiencing new hikes.  SO that often requires a bit of traveling to new places.  Over the last couple years he's been having to branch out to further destinations.   Anyway.  It was fun.  We went on a dinner cruise.  We felt pretty safe.  They had pretty good safety precautions, not to mention it was a bit of a rainy day, so the area around the pier and on the boat wasn't busy at all.  We wore our mask & social distanced.  The best part of the dinner cruise for me, was that they had these performers.  Just a man & a woman singing like classics.  They sang songs like, "Don't Stop believin'" , "You're so Vain" etc.  Emily was quite the ham & we were on the 2nd deck & you could actually see the performers who were on the bottom deck.  Emily had the best time singing along!! I enjoyed witnessing her happiness, it made me happy to see!   Most people assumed she was just lip-synching because she was so good.  BUT.. no she was singing & quite entertaining at that.   At one point the song, "My heart will go on" was sung & I got a cute video of the contrast of Brian & Emily's reactions to the song.  Emily was joyfully singing it & Brian who's not happy & pretending to blow his brains out, cause he hates that song.  I just questioned the person's logic of playing that song during a cruise.  LOL! It was fun, dinner was pretty yummy and all you can eat so while it was a bit expensive it ended up being worth it, not to mention, since we were pretty much in lockdown from the virus or months & we haven't done much or been out really, it was quite a wonderful escape from reality.  One must have a bit of fun!   BUT...I did feel like we appreciated it more because of not doing much of anything the rest of the summer, aside from one trip to the shore, we stayed home to be safe. 4) One of the other good things that's happened this year is that Brian continues his weight loss journey.  It's been over a year now & he's managed to not only lose well over 100 pounds but to keep if off!!! The weight came off so fast I was a bit worried about him maintaining, BUT because nearly every day he does 2 a day workouts.  It's allowed him to maintain.  I'm very proud of him!  I wish I could say it's rubbed off.  It hasn't.  While it might not be fair, & I'm completely & honestly proud of him, it hasn't done much for my own self esteem.  Being I feel like a fatty.   BUT... whatever.  One day.  Hopefully I too can be ready to improve my self.  2020 has been a difficult year & I'm a stress eater.  SO this perhaps isn't the time for me to improve that part of myself.  Not that I need to tell anyone about how this year has gone.  Anyone living it knows it's been a real shitty time.  In March when every thing started going to shit in a handbag because of Covid 19, our state along w/ NY were I believe #1 & #2 in cases & we took that serious in our house.  For the most part, we still are.  BUT... maybe we've in ways have become lax... we are still doing the social distancing & mask thing, but aren't as worried about cleaning everything a million times a day like in the beginning.  It feels lately as well, our family along w/ others I see are just exhausted more now then before.  I don't know if it's the long hours sometimes in mask or more likely just tired from stress over it going on7 months & counting.  As of today, there have been over 205,000 death, & well over 7 million cases just in the USA, as of this morning,🍄rump & the first lady are part of that statistic.  YUP... 🍄RUMP has COVID19!  After all his boo-hooing wearing masks & social distancing & his stupidity over this all being blown out of portion, despite all the evidence of otherwise... This morning,  he himself the Grinch... he himself has gotten it.  Karma.  I don't mean to sound un-sympathetic but it's hard to be sympathetic to someone who has been such the opposite to the masses of people who have died from this horrible virus, &  to so many other people during his presidency and quite honestly his lifetime.  Even at one point saying, "It is what it is" regarding them.  So... I'm not going to be up at night worrying about him.  To say I'm not a fan of this administration is the understatement of the year.  I can't wait til Joe Biden wins & if need be has the 🍄rump's forcefully removed from the White House,  I'm feeling a bit more hopeful of that happening & that scares the shit out of me.  I was so hurt when Hillary lost in 2016 & it's hard for me to be hopeful, but it's what I'm feeling.  🙏 Praying hard that Joe Biden/Kamala Harris win this November our nation needs it,  I need it! I think even people who don't realize it yet.. .need it! Our nation can not keep going the way it is.   There's so much more I could talk about... the embarrassing 1st presidential debate, Trump showed himself to be on his worst behavior EVER.  Ruth Bader Ginsberg passing away, she'd been sick and as sad as it was, it wasn't entirely shocking, still completely devastating & the timing couldn't have been worst.  This leaves open the opportunity for 🍄rump to get another conservative judge on the Supreme Court.  UGH! I'll leave it here, I'm getting too sad to continue.  Much love every one! Let's all try to keep our heads up & fight for a better tomorrow in what ever ways we can. 💓

Thursday, August 27, 2020


 

My blood boiling anger post from FACEBOOK

  This POS Kyle Rittenhouse.... took his killing machine & killed 2 people & injured a 3rd... & wow... amazing as it was, he wasn't killed by police!!!!!! If you can't see the craziness in this, UNFRIEND ME IMMEDIATELY! If he was black & had a bag of skittles, he would have been shot! If he was black & had a fake $20 he would have been shot, if he was black & playing a video game in his own house he would have been shot! If he was black & on the ground, surrounded by 4 other cops, begging for his momma... he would have been killed! I'm so sick of people pretending they don't see what the actual problem is!!!!!! You know it, deep down, you know it, we all know it! #SystemicRacism is REAL!! STFU with anything else! We need to change the way law enforcement is done in this country, like doctors oaths.... first do no harm. If you can't handle the situations police can find themselves in, perhaps you are NOT QUALIFIED to be a police officer. I know there are amazing police officers in this country, hardworking, loyal, amazing men & women BUT they are NOT ALL GOOD! Every organizations, has bad seeds in them... we must weed out the bad better! One & done... one incident in a police officers background or work history that leads someone to even question whether he is fit to be an officer. ie: prejudice, comments, social media post, extreme anger, extreme punishment, anything.. they are done! This "brotherhood" of police, needs to end. If you see something say something... if you don't & it's proved you knew, you get fired too. The job is toooo important. Pay police officers better, because they have a difficult job & are put in harms way, & get better people... people who were meant to be police officers & people who love their job & do it for the right reasons, & ARE DECENT human beings.... We have got to do better! Maybe instead of police academies, have police universities & it takes 4 years & they are drilled & trained & educated in different ways... & look for even the slightest sign, then before they are, on the streets... IDK I don't have the answers but I know it needs to be different, & better! I know one thing... under TRUMP it's going to stay the exact same way it is, & we can't keep doing it like this! VOTE!

Thursday, July 16, 2020

She must be one of the Wonders...

 Feeling very emotional today. I'm sure it has a lot to do with Emily's upcoming college move in date fast approaching. I'm full of mixed emotions, not just because it would be a big deal no matter what, but because it's happening during a pandemic & all the other worries as well. Just of how fast the time has gone too. Emily's childhood is over & she's entering another chapter of her life, it's making me think of it all. How it started always comes to mind, how couldn't it? It was such a dramatic time in all of our lives. It got me thinking about the song "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant. This song means so much to our little family of 3. It's very special to us. When Emily was born so tiny & frail & all during the six months that followed afterward at Children's Hospital. The song just gave us hope for Emily. We thought my God, she's a wonder, she's our wonder. Emily was a micro preemie weighing only 14 ounces. Right after she was born she actually lost a little weight & got down to like 13 ounces. She had so many ups & downs in the hospital, but today for some reason or another I'm thinking about one time in particular when she got a really bad infection, so bad that these doctors from the CDC had to come to the hospital to see Emily & give I guess their opinions on what should be done for her to fight the infection. She was so tiny, her immune system didn't work very well and even as careful as we all tried to be, it was impossible to keep all the germs away in a hospital so she developed a really bad infection. It was the scariest time of all the scary times. But we felt some comfort knowing these CDC doctors were there to try & help. We referred to them back then as the, "Men in Black" because they didn't look like doctors, they almost looked like the characters from the Men in Black movie. All in suits. Anyway the first line of Natalie Merchant's song Wonder is, "Doctors have come from distant cities just to see me..." ... ever since then when ever I hear that song, it makes me immediately tear up & think of that time so long ago. I watch a lot of news as well & if you follow me on any social media, you know I'm not a fan of Trump. There's been a lot of news about Trump not accepting the CDC's recommendations & now apparently he wants the Covid19 data coming to the White House instead of going through the CDC so that might be another reason to be thinking too much of that time long ago. It makes me wonder if some parents (Trump supporters) today, would feel the same comfort in the CDC being there as we did back then. We thought well the experts are here, if someone is going to help her, it'll be them... but Trump is treating them like the enemies instead of the "experts". Which is just really sad & scary. But... anyway... when I step back & think about further down the line of Emily's childhood, I mostly think of all the happy moments, proud moments... once she left the hospital she never went back. Sure she had her fair of childhood colds & such but she handled all of them well. More importantly she is a bright & happy person. She makes me incredibly proud. She's still tiny though, at 19 she is only 4' 8" & I can't help and still worry about her, especially when I'm trying hard to let her go & to spread her wings at college. Like she's always dreamed of doing. BUT... I'm a mom... & the worrying doesn't end.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

White Silence by Melissa Williams 6/23/2020


 For too long now... 

Black injustice, with violence & protest 

filling their lives with stresses

 Yet not a word.... white silence. 


For too long now. 

Saw the headlines, turned a blindeye 

Didn't affect I, so gave a quiet sigh. 

Stood still in my own white silence 


For too long now

Didn't understand the outrage 

seen thru my white privilege gauge 

Always the problem white silence


For too long now 

Anger should have been mine as well 

Long past my time to empathize & yell 

Fight through my own white silence 


For too long now...

Trying not to engage, stirring the pot 

While innocent people of color got shot

Enough of my white silence. 


Enough. 


#BlackLivesMatter 















Wednesday, June 17, 2020

UGH!

So yesterday I was reading an article where a healthcare worker who had been doing everything right, Social distancing & wearing a mask...& hadn't gotten Covid 19... decided to go out w/ a group of like 20 friends to have a good time at a re-opened bar in Florida... & didn't wear a mask or social distance... now her & like 16 of her friends & 7 of the bar employees have tested positive. Which has me thinking... I'd hate to be living in Tulsa after Trump is set to have an INSIDE rally WITHOUT requiring mask & with 20,000 of his supporters. I mean that's just fucking CRAZY! I mean I won't feel bad for the bat shit crazies who attend the rally & then get sick, but imagine how many of those attending might then infect w/ the virus. INNOCENT people who didn't make the decision to go... This is our president's decision! This is his thought process. This is his choice, & it's not a safe one, a good one, a fair one & compassionate one. It's another poor choice. How many lies, wrong decisions, how many ignorant comments, racist comments, does the American voters need to see from tRump, before they say enough! I mean for me it was before he was elected. BUT... if you didn't see it then, please tell me you have seen it now. BTW... Tulsa has actually had a decrease in testing & still the last few days of surging of positive cases. #voteBLUE i beg you! You can vote red the rest of your days... but we have to remove this man from office this time!!