Thursday, December 12, 2013

Well it's almost Christmas again.  I realized from looking back at my blog post year after year I vent on here about how stressed/down I'm feeling at this time every year.  This year is no different in some ways  BUT make no mistake, even with saying that, I really love Christmas.  I love seeing Emily's smiling face on Christmas morning!   I love the spirit of the holiday.  I just wanted to share that on here, cause I don't want years from now someone to read these post & think boy was she a real Grinch.  I'm sure I'm not the only one who along w/ all the merriment the holiday brings,  there is also as we grow older ,especially, a sadness that comes too.  Perhaps I'm just a little bit more honest than most... I think a lot of people are better than me at pretending.  That is only a theory,  or perhaps just a way to make me feel better about being a tad "Debbie downer-ish" at this time of year.   I feel a lot this time of year, I feel joy & sadness. It's the reminder that our love ones that passed away are not with us.  For me too as I get older, I realize how the "spirit" of the holiday often times get's lost to all the "materialism" of it.   There are also all these "deadlines" for lack of a better word. We "must" decorate, We "must" put up the lights,  We "must" put up the tree, We "must" send out the Christmas cards.  We "must" buy the presents!  When we look at it that way I suppose, it can seem "overwhelming" & I guess we all should look at it like we don't have to, but we want to do those things... but the sad reality is, even if we want to do those things.. sometimes we don't physically have the time or money to do them.  As it seems may be the case this year for our family.  Brian has been away on business for the last two weeks,  he'll be home on Saturday evening, then Emily & he will be taking an overnight trip right after. So it's put a real crimp in the plans this year.  Our Christmas lights aren't up... & it seems they are NOT going to get put up this year.  I did decorate the inside of the house but we have yet to get our tree. Again who knows when this will get done.   I'm not complaining & it's okay with me.  But having a child you want for them to have "that" Christmas experience.  That magic feeling.  But really is it just us putting that pressure on ourselves.  I often wonder that... growing up I didn't have the "perfect" Christmas I long for Emily to have & honestly,  It's not what I remember nor do I find myself upset over so why do I put this pressure on myself.  Maybe it's nothing more than like most things wanting more for your child than you had.  But is all the stress worth it? I guess that's the big question.  I wonder what the answer is, I'll probably keep doing this year after year... but on Christmas day it's usually all worth it, right?

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