Retail funnies

So I work retail,  I'm a shift manager at a "Major" drug store.  Isn't that what they would always say if you were a contestant on a game show in the 80's?  So lately there's been some really funny or at least I think they are funny things that have happened at work.  I do actually enjoy my job. Not of course all aspects of it, but I like keeping busy and interacting with customers & co-workers. The other day our Asset protection district manager comes in for a visit.  For the sake of the story, I'll just call him, "Roc" anyway Roc is talking to another worker we will call "Juan", anyway I go into the office where they are talking & say something like this,
"Excuse me?  Did Juan tell you about the bacon we found?"

Roc is like, "No... what about bacon"  

So I say, "Well we found this rolled up bacon package that we think fell out of some shoplifters pants,  It was rolled up in a ball & when we found it it was still cold, so I think I have a pretty good idea who attempted to steal it" 

Roc than says, "Really, wow people are crazy" 

I'm like,  "Yeah and that's not the only thing, we also found a 1 1b container of butter that was crumpled up.  SO we are assuming the person who stole it must have put the individual sticks down his pants too and left the container,  I guess it was easier to conceal that way." 

Roc says,  "Wow!  Bacon and Butter" 

To which (without missing a beat mind you) I say.... "Yeah, hasn't he heard about the ongoing cholesterol problem in America"  A nod of course to the greatest movie of all time, "My Cousin Vinny"  

He looked at me like I had two heads, so I don't think he got it. 

But I thought I was HYSTERICAL!


Here's another little gem.

I have this co-worker (& friend) name "Liza" that was working one morning & I didn't come in til after she had already left for the day.   The store manager always leaves a daily note for the shift managers about what we have to get accomplished for the day.  Anyway this particular note also included what was said that morning on the weekly mandatory manager's conference call.  One of the notes from the call was,

-All employees must be in their work clothes, including name tags every day.
  To which Liza writes under it, -CANCEL PAJAMA DAY! 

 I about died,  I thought it was the funniest thing.  It just tickled my funny bone.  Even now I think it's brilliant.   I mean cause what do they think?  That we are a bunch of morons.