Happy New Year 2022

 SO decided to write a post this being the first day of 2022.  I woke up trying to be positive after a somewhat un-even New Year's Eve.  I was devastated to hear of Betty White's passing, anyone who follows me on twitter can attest that it's pretty much all I have tweeted about since learning of it, which took place for me in the grocery store mid shopping. I was surprised by my reaction... I literally started to cry. My husband, in a very sweet response, told me to go to the car & he and Emily would finish the shopping. Bless him for putting up with my sensitive self!  I had just posted earlier in the day about her 100th birthday via a retweet of hers from Dec 28th, about her People cover & her 100th birthday celebration.  SO as strange as it sounds to be shocked by a 99 year old dying. I was. I think many of us were.  I grew up in the 70's and 80's so Betty was a fixture on day time game shows.  I remember watching Betty, along with her husband the HOST Allen, on Password with my Grandma & mom growing up.  "The Password is... " (in Allen's whispered voice)  It was always the best episodes when Betty White was on.   I loved her!   Of course she was famous for "The Golden Girls" and "Mary Tyler Moore show" & so many others as well.  BUT, my favorite acting performance of hers was in the movie, "The Proposal" with Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock.  She was so damn feisty and scene stealing it that.  She has been in a way in my life, my entire life.  I was sure she was going to make it to see her 100th birthday.  Had she turned 100, I think it may not have affected me so much, but to lose her so suddenly without any known illness and after all the press about her 100th birthday, as foolish as it sounds I was shocked and so incredibly sad.  I didn't really know her but I felt like I had.  From the responses on twitter... it really seems like all the world did.  She was really good at being a great human.  RIP Betty White, and my sincere condolences to her family and her friends  You accomplished the greatest feat in a life in my opinion... being well loved.  Anyway... I just had to touch on that first, because well it did have a major impact on my NYE.  I had a really hard time shaking the sadness BUT... I was determined to have a nice night with the family.  It was just the 3 of us.  It was as perfect as it could be. We ate crap and played old board games and just enjoyed each others company.  It was so nice.  Emily is home from college.  Her winter break is over a month long, AND I've been enjoying every minute i have with her.  She doesn't go back til mid January.  I wish it was longer but have been told it is longer then some colleges give.  She did SOOOOOO well at college this semester- I really need to stop worrying as much, she constantly proves me wrong! Her grades came in about a week ago.  She got 3 A's, 1 A-, and a B+! To say we are proud is an understatement! I know there were a few hiccups for her, mostly being the fact she is an only child & never had to live with siblings or roommates, so it's been a big adjustment in that way.  Some left items in the bathroom & the likes... living with a roommate & a bunch of suitemates is very new.  She admitted that she got called out a few times for things like that, but she is learning. I think things were getting better in that regard by the end of the semester.  🤞  BUT as far as grades & getting around campus it certainly seems like she did AMAZING! She isn't much of a join-er (clubs and social events)and I'm hoping that aspect of college improves for her.  But while she is a sophomore, last year was 100% remote, so this was her first time  living in the dorms, and she amazed me with learning all she had to, and still doing so well academically. Like I said, I'm very proud of her and I know Brian is as well.  It's been so long, since I have written on here.   I have a lot to share.  First off, I don't have a job currently. I've been at retail too long & am really looking for a different thing to do.  It's been hard on me, and it's hard to admit but I'm a bit burnt out... especially during these Covid times. I know I'm good at it but I'm looking for something where I can use my skills, like customer service, etc but do something different.  Confession... ever since the 6th grade, nearly 40 years ago I've wanted to work in a library, after a much successful library aid volunteer experience I had, not to brag, but I won "Best Library Aid 1983-84" & $10 award. It might sound quite silly but it's true I've always wanted to work at one.   So maybe I can find a library job or at least work somewhere that respects me and I honestly enjoy doing.   Working at the last two retail jobs has been a bit waring on my body & my mind.  Busy, busy, busy and I just needed a physical and mental break.  We've talked it over, and I plan on making it a job to look for a job after Emily goes back to college soon.  Until then I am taking it a bit easy & getting a handle on some things at home that I've neglected from working and exhaustion.  I'm feeling much better because of the break, and beyond blessed to have such a loving and supportive husband.  Who basically said, "This isn't worth it" after a particularly rough night at work for me, and one massive panic attack, and encouraged me to give my notice.  I wasn't quite sure I should but he assured me it was what was best.   I love him for it, and so much more.  Speaking of Brian,  he got a new job at a start up.  He LOVES it so much, it is challenging & exciting.  I have never seen him happier!  He puts a lot of time in, even for him, a self proclaimed "workaholic"   but things are starting to slow down a bit, for a while he was working early in the morning til way late at night.  I'm sure at times it will still be like that especially during times of releases. However it has been a very big blessing in our lives, and of course as I previous mentioned Brian loves it! I'm very proud of him.  When I think of how difficult this year has been for so many, I know we have been incredibly blessed and this makes me grateful that we have been spared much of the hard aches so many are feeling.  ie: Brian is 100% remote so the high gas prices haven't been as hard on our household.  Please don't hate me for saying this, but I have no real complaints at the moment, (well aside of course from Covid. In that way we are all in the same boat)  Knock on wood.  Believe me, we've had enough years of hard times, and we were due.  lol.  It scares the crap out of me, since I'm always waiting for the next shoe to drop.  So far so good. We have been blessed to be able to get some things done to the house.  I've posted before about how much a weight it has been on my shoulders that we had just a long list of necessary repairs to get done on our older house. We continue to pay down some debts, and we got new gutters, & just two days ago got our heater (which had been barely hanging on... & completely died this year) replaced along with a new central air unit. We've been using window units for probably the last at least 10 years.  We still have much to do, and while no-one's life is easy we know we are very blessed at the current moment.  We are trying to stay positive and pay things forward in small ways as  we can.  There is a lot of ground to make up, but it's a start in the right directions.  Now if the job Gods will be good to me and help me find something I actually will love doing that would be great (Oh & since I'm asking here... can you please let it be part time-lol). I honestly hope that you all have a very Happy New Year and I wish you much love and blessings in 2022.  💓

She's going.... & she'll do great!

 It's months away & yet here I am a ball of nerves & so damn *sappy (my definition.... sad yet happy) about Emily living on campus at FDU in the fall. I know she'll do great ....& that I AM just a natural born worrier, & even more than worrying about her. It's just that I'm going to miss her sooooooo damn much! I keep telling myself all the things I should... It's important, she needs it, she'll make friends, all the life lessons & education she'll get there. All the experiences she'll have & I know it's going to be great, but trying to tell that to my heart is another thing entirely. What helps the most is of course Emily, because she's so happy & pumped about moving on to campus! 💗💙🤞🥰 💗💙

Wasn't quite brave enough to post to Facebook...

 My mantra ... "Just keep swimming" Many things make me incredibly sad. It's hard being so sensitive & feeling so much. That's just me. though. I can't help it. SO... I remind myself all the time, to "just keep swimming" & trying. SO if you don't like seeing all my political post, or my very opinionated ones, I don't know what to tell you...that's why I tell people to unfriend me. It's why I've had to unfriend some, I don't want to see a post from you that makes me feel so angry, or sad, or some negative feeling. I get enough of that already. Sometimes I post things to counter the sadness I feel over all the sadness I see.

2020 What a shit show.

 SO this year, it's been such a difficult year, that I haven't had much of a desire to "re-live" it by writing about it.   BUT..it hasn't all been bad.  I'll start with the good things.... 1st) Emily is doing quite well with her college courses.  She isn't on campus this semester & quite honestly it's been nice,  she hasn't had to navigate campus living, and all that entails ALONG with the added stress of Covid-19.  She's been able to concentrate on just her classes.  She has yet to get her mid term grades back BUT...all evidence supports that she's doing well.  The professors have until the 13th to actually put the grades up. I'm sure she's doing good.  She's been getting up on time, on her own.  Seems to be completing all her assignments, etc.  She absolutely loves all her professors & is trying to get to know her fellow college-mates.  That's the hard part, but some of the professors let the kids go into 3 or 4 student break out sessions, it's during those they have a bit of a chance to get to know one another.  At least that is what I've been able to get out of Emily... lol.  We've been trying to give her as much independence w/ college as we can since that's how it would be on campus.  SO aside from the occasional trying to get info from her, we are pretty much leaving her alone about it.  2nd) We have enjoyed having Brian at home more.  He's been working remotely.  In many ways, it's made life easier.  His work is a long commute & he used to not get home until quite late, & then dinner was late.  Not to mention the financial strain the long commute caused, it's one side effect from this covid crap, that hasn't been completely bad. I never have to worry about not having a ride to work either.   3) We actually had a nice little weekend vacation to Lake George NY the end of August. It was part for my birthday, part for Brian's passion for hiking.  It's always been a hobby of his, but over the last few years it's become an even bigger passion. He really LOVES it, not to mention it's been a safe activity to do during the shutdowns & virus!  It's hard, because in NJ there's only so many places he can hike that he's actually interested in hiking.  Brian likes cool views, with higher elevations, & just experiencing new hikes.  SO that often requires a bit of traveling to new places.  Over the last couple years he's been having to branch out to further destinations.   Anyway.  It was fun.  We went on a dinner cruise.  We felt pretty safe.  They had pretty good safety precautions, not to mention it was a bit of a rainy day, so the area around the pier and on the boat wasn't busy at all.  We wore our mask & social distanced.  The best part of the dinner cruise for me, was that they had these performers.  Just a man & a woman singing like classics.  They sang songs like, "Don't Stop believin'" , "You're so Vain" etc.  Emily was quite the ham & we were on the 2nd deck & you could actually see the performers who were on the bottom deck.  Emily had the best time singing along!! I enjoyed witnessing her happiness, it made me happy to see!   Most people assumed she was just lip-synching because she was so good.  BUT.. no she was singing & quite entertaining at that.   At one point the song, "My heart will go on" was sung & I got a cute video of the contrast of Brian & Emily's reactions to the song.  Emily was joyfully singing it & Brian who's not happy & pretending to blow his brains out, cause he hates that song.  I just questioned the person's logic of playing that song during a cruise.  LOL! It was fun, dinner was pretty yummy and all you can eat so while it was a bit expensive it ended up being worth it, not to mention, since we were pretty much in lockdown from the virus or months & we haven't done much or been out really, it was quite a wonderful escape from reality.  One must have a bit of fun!   BUT...I did feel like we appreciated it more because of not doing much of anything the rest of the summer, aside from one trip to the shore, we stayed home to be safe. 4) One of the other good things that's happened this year is that Brian continues his weight loss journey.  It's been over a year now & he's managed to not only lose well over 100 pounds but to keep if off!!! The weight came off so fast I was a bit worried about him maintaining, BUT because nearly every day he does 2 a day workouts.  It's allowed him to maintain.  I'm very proud of him!  I wish I could say it's rubbed off.  It hasn't.  While it might not be fair, & I'm completely & honestly proud of him, it hasn't done much for my own self esteem.  Being I feel like a fatty.   BUT... whatever.  One day.  Hopefully I too can be ready to improve my self.  2020 has been a difficult year & I'm a stress eater.  SO this perhaps isn't the time for me to improve that part of myself.  Not that I need to tell anyone about how this year has gone.  Anyone living it knows it's been a real shitty time.  In March when every thing started going to shit in a handbag because of Covid 19, our state along w/ NY were I believe #1 & #2 in cases & we took that serious in our house.  For the most part, we still are.  BUT... maybe we've in ways have become lax... we are still doing the social distancing & mask thing, but aren't as worried about cleaning everything a million times a day like in the beginning.  It feels lately as well, our family along w/ others I see are just exhausted more now then before.  I don't know if it's the long hours sometimes in mask or more likely just tired from stress over it going on7 months & counting.  As of today, there have been over 205,000 death, & well over 7 million cases just in the USA, as of this morning,🍄rump & the first lady are part of that statistic.  YUP... 🍄RUMP has COVID19!  After all his boo-hooing wearing masks & social distancing & his stupidity over this all being blown out of portion, despite all the evidence of otherwise... This morning,  he himself the Grinch... he himself has gotten it.  Karma.  I don't mean to sound un-sympathetic but it's hard to be sympathetic to someone who has been such the opposite to the masses of people who have died from this horrible virus, &  to so many other people during his presidency and quite honestly his lifetime.  Even at one point saying, "It is what it is" regarding them.  So... I'm not going to be up at night worrying about him.  To say I'm not a fan of this administration is the understatement of the year.  I can't wait til Joe Biden wins & if need be has the 🍄rump's forcefully removed from the White House,  I'm feeling a bit more hopeful of that happening & that scares the shit out of me.  I was so hurt when Hillary lost in 2016 & it's hard for me to be hopeful, but it's what I'm feeling.  🙏 Praying hard that Joe Biden/Kamala Harris win this November our nation needs it,  I need it! I think even people who don't realize it yet.. .need it! Our nation can not keep going the way it is.   There's so much more I could talk about... the embarrassing 1st presidential debate, Trump showed himself to be on his worst behavior EVER.  Ruth Bader Ginsberg passing away, she'd been sick and as sad as it was, it wasn't entirely shocking, still completely devastating & the timing couldn't have been worst.  This leaves open the opportunity for 🍄rump to get another conservative judge on the Supreme Court.  UGH! I'll leave it here, I'm getting too sad to continue.  Much love every one! Let's all try to keep our heads up & fight for a better tomorrow in what ever ways we can. 💓