Sunday, November 13, 2016


So it's been a few days since election day and I finally feel capable (maybe) of writing this post.  I honestly went into Tuesday thinking Hillary would win and fairly easily.  I think it was a combination of factors, listening to the pollsters saying Hillary was in the lead. Being part of a "secret" facebook group (Pantsuit Nation) who believed as I did that Hillary would be elected our president because I sincerely believed love does trump hate.  Being from the blue state of NJ, I was surrounded by hope so as the results came in, and I started to realize that Tr$mp was doing really well.  I was stunned.  When around the time Florida was called & Ohio was just about to be called for Tr$mp I was beyond scared.  At some point around there I just started to cry.  I was soooo disappointed in the rest of our country, they were letting hate win.   I wasn't expecting to be so upset. But I just started to cry and could not stop.  I was embarrassed that so many in the country would let this in my opinion vile, despicable mean man win. Did they not listen? Did they not hear?  What he said? The hate speak.  The fear talk. I was so disappointed, I was just stunned.  I cried and cried.  Not just because Hillary had lost.  I felt like it was so much bigger than that.  I knew that so many had seen & heard it and still voted for him.  It bothered me on a deeper level, I felt so let down by my country and couldn't shake that he had awakened this under belly of racist & they voted, because of his hateful rhetoric and they liked it.  I'm not saying that everyone who voted for Tr$mp are racist,  I honestly don't believe that.  But I know that I wouldn't be able to stand by someone who had said those things. I wouldn't be standing with a man who the KKK had endorsed.  I would be getting as far away from a man like that as I could.  I think when it comes down to it,  it really is that simple to me.  A friend of mine on facebook said it best... she said,  He (Tr$mp) may not have wanted the endorsement (by the KKK) but by not rejecting it, he accepted it.  I couldn't agree more.  I just felt so let down.  I also felt bad for Hillary Clinton.  Here was this person who had fought and worked so hard for our country for decades and she wanted nothing more than to be president and so many of us wanted that too.  It was sad.  I just felt sad.  Like the pain of grieving for something.  That raw. visceral pain.  I felt bad for my daughter and all our daughters who still can't say...  I can be president one day! & believe it.  Emily wanted it so bad.  She was excited and I was excited for her.  It all bothered me.  I was devastated.  I was sad when I went to bed late Tuesday night & I was sad when I woke up.  On Wednesday I had another breakdown... a good cry.  My husband was supportive to me (and disappointed as well, he just wasn't as shocked as I was when it happened) but aside from rubbing my back and saying there there (Shelton Cooper style) what could he really say or do.  I tried putting on a brave face for my daughter Emily in the morning,  I told her that although Tr$mp was the president, we still had to do the right things, we had to be kind and caring and let people know no matter what we accepted them- we stood with them.  I told her to keep her head up high & if anyone at school started to discuss it, just go high if they go low.  People are allowed to have different opinions then us but they can't bully you because of yours.    But inside I was just sad.  I was trying to shake it off, but I couldn't.  I managed to go to work on Wednesday, despite every ounce of me saying I don't wanna.  I did.  That was about all I had.  I have to admit I'm glad I did.  I got up, I got going and I continued on.... it was probably for the best.   My friend at work, really cheered me up.  We had a good laugh, of all things, over when her electricity went out because she didn't pay the bill and her young son called his friend to say, "hey did your lights just go out?"  I found my self laughing and was surprised. Just goes to show you,  life goes on... but I still am really worried.  I worry that Tr$mp will undo so much.  Like gay marriage, don't ask don't tell,  planned parenthood, roe v wade, "Obama"care, and worse yet what if he defaults on some debt we owe to another country and starts a war, etc.  I'm worried about the supreme court justices he'll choose.  I worry we'll go backwards instead of moving forward.  I worry and worry and still get up and get going, because whether he's president or not.  I know what is right.  I know that Hillary won the popular vote and that gives me hope knowing that there are so many people like me who know what really matters, is how kind we are to one another and how one man can not bring us down.  I will keep voting and hoping that next time good will prevail & fight if he tries to lead us in the wrong direction. Because in my heart, I know LOVE still trumps HATE.

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