I wanted to come on here and share a bit about me. Something that for having a blog, I don't do an awful lot of, which just means most of the time I talk about my daughter Emily, or just being a mom. or just things. But not me. just me. Things that I do, or did. Not too often anyway. But in November I quit my job. It wasn't so much a decision to quit my job. It was a necessity that I stop working where I was, I quite frankly felt pushed out. For my own mental health it was important that I leave. I was belittled, embarrassed, dismissed, disrespected & overlooked. I felt taken advantage of, not listened to, or more accurately, unheard. I had given 5 years. Most my life I have worked retail & I won't list where I was working at, but it was retail. I worked hard, in 5 years I think I may have called out, once or twice & always found coverage. Aside from perhaps one time when I was so sick I was both on the toilet w/ let's just say active gastro issues & simultaneously throwing up in the trash can, & gave as long as a notice as I could that I would not be in . I've always been a person who feels guilty about calling out, even when I'm sick as a dog, I try to muster through, I don't like disappointing people or not doing my best. so I was in many ways an ideal employee. for years. I didn't complain too much, worked hard, to the point of stressing over my job long after leaving work, and.... So about 6 months before my final shift, after much discussions with my husband, I decided to approach the district manager about moving up. A bit of a back story is that this particular store had a least 8 store managers in the (at that time) 4 1/2 years, that I had been there. They could not retain store managers. In fact at the time I left, myself and another person (who worked only 1 day) were the last people standing since I first started there. But back to the time... 6 months earlier and me approaching my DM. We were without a manager at the time, and had a floater assistant manager who was working only days, which meant that the AM, me & 3 other shift supervisors were running every aspect of the store. The floater Assistant manager worked only M-F day time. This is retail... retail, where it is necessary that one works nights, & weekends. One shift also worked only days (although she stepped up by coming in on many Sundays to do the weekly schedule. & the 3 other shifts (myself & 2 other) worked the remaining nights & weekends. 3 of the 4 shift supervisors stepped up because of the situation of no manager...We had to do things, that were not generally things we were responsible for, like payroll, scheduling, etc. All for the measly money that shifts were paid. Which essential was a tad more than regular associates. I mean a tad more. It was exhausting. For someone like me, especially, who can't leave work at work, it was even more so. I came home and just vented & vented to my husband. I often thought "I could do this job better than most of the other managers had", most. I honestly think at least 2 were very good managers. In all fairness... those 2 are still with the company, only at different stores. Our store had kind of a reputation of being one that few people wanted to work. It was because of the stress of my current position (for little pay) & my years and years of experience (I had been a retail manager when I was in my 20's), & it being the right time in my life, ie: Emily being almost done school, and I needing to earn more money for her college and paying off debt, that I decided to approach the DM to share my desire to move up in the company. Either as an asst manager or a Store manager. I had started by telling him my work experience. (he was relatively new to our district & didn't really know me), and that quite frankly how hard it was on everyone who worked there to have this "merry go round" of managers at this store. We would just get used to the way one ran the store & we'd get a new one. We'd get used to one's personality & have to get used to another. It was difficult. It was made more so..... by the experience of the last months, with no manager & not being recognized by corporate for all that the shifts especially had done to help run the store in the time without a manager. We, I think I can speak for everyone of the shifts felt un-appreciated for all we were doing. I knew I could run the store if given a chance. I had after all... experience, & more experience & above all an excellent work ethic. Which was lacking in many of their previous hired managers. (I didn't exactly present it like that, but that was the gist) I explained that because we were a one car family I needed to stay at this location because it was within walking distance to my home. The truth is we were a one car family at the time, and another truth is I DO have a driver's license, but I don't really like to drive & don't really mind not having two cars. So it was kind of a big deal that I stay at this location. The DM basically made me feel like all the things I told him, about how much I care & how hard I work didn't matter that because I didn't DRIVE I could not move up. In fact, he called it a "Deal Breaker". As you can imagine this made me none-to pleased, So I took a deep breathe and tried to understand what exactly i just heard, by saying, "So you'd be willing to lose a hard working, responsible, qualified person for a management position simply because they don't drive?, and how quite frankly, with all due respect, that was in my opinion... unwise. The 6 managers that had been fired or quit all could drive, did that make them any better managers? clearly not. I think by this point I had mentioned I had "anxiety" about driving (TRUE, just think about the title of my blog) if "Anxiety Missy" had a better ring to it, it could have been named that... but that's a tale for another day..lol , & that the whole "deal breaker" for being a manager, didn't seem fair. Since I always had gotten myself to work & any other work related event I had needed to attend my WHOLE work life. after expressing my hard to hide shock, & disappointment in what he had just said, he tried to back slide just a little with..... well let's just see, try & learn everything you can from the new manager, and we'll see. So apparently they had a manager in mind, already. then the DM went on to sing the praises of that new guy.... how wonderful he was going to be, how he was going to change the store around, and what high hopes he had of him. Basically that this guy was the 2nd coming of Retail Christ. Don't you know, he lasted less than 4 months!!! But the fact that I had to walk to work JUST 2 days out of the five I worked was a "deal breaker" seemed even more moronic to me after the newest to put it nicely.. "couldn't cut it" manager's departure . I have to admit the tad devious side of me, was quite pleased that Mr. DM was completely wrong about the new manager. He was anything but good for the store, if anything he left it in worse shape. By this point I was just like F it, if they can't see my work ethic for what it is, they don't deserve me. I was so hurt. SO very hurt. I felt like I had wasted so much of my time there, what was the point? I had at least three previous managers want me to move up, but because of my family & of Emily still very much needing me home at the time, I always declined. Of course all this was under the previous DM. This one seemed to not care at all. There was so much about this place that made no sense, I forgot to mention another thing that happened in the time right before getting the 4 month manager, we had a shift manager (earlier I wrote that 3 or the 4 shifts stepped up.... well she's the one who didn't) she since has been fired, we kept telling the DM, the floater AM, and even corporate she was no good, she called out, she did little to nothing on her shifts, her register & the money in the safe... came up short, over, & just all over the place. You could follow the log & see it was always after she worked. I (w. one of the other shifts encouragement) reached out to the Human Resources dept & also the DM to explain just how bad it was) Even after all we had told them about her, & the fact that her doing nothing was making all of us have to WORK even harder because she did little to nothing on her shifts. How unfair that seemed to us & how detrimental it was to the store) It took an excruciatingly long time for them to get rid of her. It was clear as day to anyone w/ 1/2 a brain she was a big problem. BUT.... they kept her on, with in my opinion more than enough evidence of her "problems". She was months later finally let go, & I'm pretty sure w/ police assistance. At least after we talked to them, they started to watch her. & found more "problems". If they had listened to us, it could have been much earlier. BUT what did we know? We were just running the entire store for no more money. It was awful. This was also another reason that I wanted to be manager, I wanted to make this store better, not to mention that if I was under this much stress, I should at least be getting paid to deal w/ it. After Mr. 4 month manager (It should be noted as well... all 8 previous managers were MEN) I mentioned this to a visiting store manager (a women)who visited our store once during that time frame, now whether that my comment had even gotten back to anyone at corporate, I'll never know, but our 9th manager was finally a woman. She & I got along pretty good, many others had problems w/ her but I didn't, yes she wasn't perfect but she at least cared about the store, she wanted to do the right things & that was more than many of the others. Her biggest problem in my opinion was that she was NEW to the company, not just our store & she worried about in (most of the staffs opinions) the wrong things sometimes. For instance on truck day, instead of being on the floor working on truck (like all the other managers we previously had, had done) she would sometimes waste hours in the office, doing god knows what.. paperwork, etc. You can imagine if the other employees are working hard on truck & busting our asses... we thought she should be as well. It was little things like that, that bothered collectively the entire store. BUT.... in my opinion she was far better than Mr. 4 months had been, so I was relieved she was there. I was less happy with what happened next. The floating AM who had been working there, had to leave due to health problems and a surgery & we after 5 years were finally going to be assigned a full time assistant manager, not surprising (to me), the DM didn't approached me about the job, but the new manager had asked about my interest in it prior to us getting the one we did. (I think it says something that the manager who actually worked with me & knew how hard I worked asked about my interest in the assistant manager position but not the DM who didn't work with me-but more on that in a minute). Our store never had an assistant manager, we always had one manager & a few shift supervisors running the store. I thought at the time it was because of me talking back to the DM was the reason he didn't ask me to be the assistant and that had somehow pissed him off.... I'm nearly 50 years old, If I've learned anything it's that I have a voice & when I see something unfair (DM's deal breaker conversation) I was going to give my opinion on it. I was respectful when I talked to him but clear that my opinion differed from his position. I don't know if he was shocked I spoke up about it, or just didn't like me. or what, but....I after that conversation with him, I had little hope that I would move up, later on i found out that was only part of the reason. I was still hurt by the whole situation. I felt somehow not good enough. I'm a bit sensitive, & have a bit of low self esteem, and it's something I struggled w/ my whole life, so if I said it didn't really hurt me, it would be an out and out lie. It hurt. However, I was trying to move on from it & just accept the few good things about working there. BUT.....the new manager, like so many before her, valued me or at least that's what she said, & why I believed her was she told me that the DM had a bad opinion of me, & that it came from Mr. 4 months.... so... when he asked her how I was doing? he seemed mighty surprised when she said, "Melissa's great! She's the hardest worker I have here." Or at least that's what she told me she said. I'd like to believe she was telling me the truth. I honestly think she was, because she told me not to tell the DM about our conversation... obviously it wouldn't have been good for her to have told me, I had been upfront w/ her on things too... even discussing with her some of the issues the store collectively had with her & she had listened respectively to what I said, perhaps hurt & a little defensive but I understood that & probably would have been the same way. It's hard hearing a criticism of oneself. But.... I'm a pretty upfront person & I thought it was better to clear the air then have it fester. How else could it improve? So I appreciated her telling me, & somehow was relieved knowing I wasn't crazy in my take of how the DM felt towards me. The truth is I didn't care for Mr. 4 month manager. He was in my opinion not appropriate at times, an example was one of the first conversation he started by telling me how he (in his late mid twenties) had been dating an 18 year old. Having an 18 year old daughter I was un-interested in hearing the rest & just didn't think it was appropriate work- conversation to be having w/ someone he barely knew and whom he managed. Totally unprofessional. He was also not a hard worker in my opinion. Lazy, liked to talk, & worked hard only when it was necessary like if he knew corporate was coming. He often left our store to go to other stores for supplies & didn't come back for a long time, way longer than it should have taken to do the task. I saw through his BS. After he left.... one of my co-workers told me that she didn't see it, until after he was gone, but that she realized he caused a rift in our once tight knit group. There was more things about him I didn't like, like how he let his favorite workers use sick time but when I asked him about using a day, he told me I couldn't, the next week he let someone use 3 days, he just wasn't good, and wasn't fair. There were other issues but those are more "gossipy" & I won't go there. He didn't like me, & that was ok, because I didn't like him either. STILL....I worked just as hard under him as I did under any one of the other managers, maybe more because I didn't want him to think that because he & I didn't get along that it would affect my work & in no way did I deserve his criticism. But anyway... we were getting a NEW assistant manager who worked at another store. From the very beginning.... she rubbed me the wrong way. One of the first days I worked w her... she was asked to get rid of the expired milk from the cooler, & didn't do it. (This was a big deal because it could have been a violation against the store had we been audited) She left a note for me to do it, & I pulled it from the cooler & emptied it in the sink, (not an easy task when one is working by themselves), & because I was by myself.... I had not gotten a chance to get rid of the emptied milk cartons & instead had put them in a tote on the counter in an area away from customers & let the next shift manager know that they were there & to please get rid of them. Trash requires you to be in the back of the store, being by ones self & needing to stay by the counter areas I could not have done that because... I WAS BY MYSELF the entire shift & she knew I was by myself, because I called her to tell her that so and so called out... , & it was her day off & I told her not to come in, to enjoy her day off. ( so i did her a solid) & THEN.... she goes & sends an email about the empty milk cartons being left on the counter in the store TO OUR MANAGER who at the time. was on vacation! I was livid, how dare she call me out on something that IF SHE HAD DONE when she was supposed to, would not have been left for me to do, & did I mention I was by myself!! LOL! Also... it was about how she SPOKE to people. She was so rude, she didn't ASK she ORDERED.... She called me names, "You're Unbelievable" "a piece of work"told me very snarky that it was "good, I didn't work at a BUSY store!" among other things. One time she spoke so rudely to me, after I had come in early, to help them out, that I had enough & almost quit, after all the bullshit I had dealt with already with this company, I didn't deserve to be talked to in that way, honestly NO ONE DID! The manager got me to stay but I said, that I would not deal w/ it anymore & if the assistant manager didn't learn to talk to me respectfully that I would call corporate. I never got a chance to call corporate because it was a weekend when it happened again & I simply could not take it. I simply asked a question about the schedule & she bit my head off, & told me I was a "Child" & then tried to make me out to be the one that did something wrong. We can ask or request things & should not be called names because of it. I had enough. I was physically shaking, I could not take anymore... The entire 6 months flashed thru my mind, the complete lack of professionalism that I had been dealing with there for so long. The name calling, everything was too much. Going home crying. over a lousy paying job was going to end. I know I deserved better. I knew it. I had told the manager about it previously & she had agreed the way the new assistant talked to me and other people was wrong... nothing was done. I just COULD NOT TAKE anymore, so I quit. Right there. I couldn't take any more. I didn't deserve any of it. In all my working life I never walked out like that. BUT.... for my mental health, & my physical health too... I needed to. That was a Saturday, by Tuesday I had another job, that paid nearly the same amount...with a lot less responsibilities then the one I just left & had been extremely loyal to for 5 years! It's pretty bad when they let a 5 year associate walk away because of BS. Good luck to them to find someone else who cared as much as I did.
After I left I reached out to many of the current & previous managers & co-workers just to say, Good bye, and explain why I had to leave. Many I consider friends & out of my respect for them I wanted to reach out to them to say I'm sorry it ended this way. One was a previous manager. I would like to share a part of a text from that person to me, & I hope the person won't mind...
"...This company is not worth your mental health deteriorating and I'm sure you'll find something better in no time. Hope you know how much I appreciated your help when I was at "that store" you were always my hardest working employee and I wish you the best in whatever you do next..."
It meant so much to me, I am a person who cares about the work I do, always tries my best, gives a lot of myself to my job. I was depressed after walking out like I did, for days was in a depressed state over it, this previous manager's text made me feel so much better, and I appreciate the kindness in those words & I hope he knows how much they meant to me. I'd like to end this with, a Thank you to those I worked with, those who reached out to me & showed me kindness. It reminds me that there was a reason I worked there for 5 years and that while it ended with a two bad managers (Mr. 4 month &. AM), there were a lot of good people I worked with & a lot of great customers. I miss you all.
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