One "proud" mama.

My 19 year old daughter Emily will start college in the fall.  SOOOOO PROUD of her!!! She's going to a private university in NJ.  This year was her gap year, & while we hoped she'd gain some experiences this year.  Due to Covid, it's not happened.   Because of Emily's premature birth & effects of it, she is a bit more immune compromised than the average kid SO she's been stuck in the house for the most part.  SO that's been a bummer.  We'd feel a lot more comfortable if she had some more experiences before college.  But it is what it is.   It's only been about a week that we've really known for sure that she'd be attending, she got accepted a while ago, but you see,  it's an expensive school and even though we felt like it was the "right" school for Emily, we weren't sure we could swing it.  Thankfully she did awesome in high school academically, & thankfully between her SAT score & GPA she did secure a good partial merit scholarship... but it's still a long way from paid.  Brian nor I have the greatest credit scores & since Emily hasn't worked yet (she's only done some intermittent volunteering work) she would not be able to secure a loan herself, we were a little scared we would not be approved for the necessary loan BUT we have been! It's only for the first year, but still... it does relieve that stress.  At least until we have to pay it back, but we are trying hard to get our finances in better shape & have been for nearly 2 decades.  Many things happened beyond our controls back in the late 90's-early 2000's & again a few years ago, which added to our debt & some mistakes on our end as well. We are trying hard to make things better.   BUT we have been trying our hardest to figure out a way to pay for it, one way or another, so that part was a big relieve because we were trying everything in our power to give our daughter this opportunity.  We just hope we've done everything in our power to prepare her, she's wanted to be a writer, her whole life.... in fact, I want to share something with all of you...

(I'll insert pic soon-it's on my phone & I don't have the right cord)

That was a report card from when Emily was 7.  She has had a talent for writing since she was very young & I've never known Emily to want to really do anything else in her life.  That is why she choose the university she did.  It has the #1 creative writing program in our state.   It's also small, & offers programs for students with a variety of disabilities.  It was all those things & more that lead us to think this school was the best option for Emily.  Of course I still have a ton of concerns about her going.  Some are obvious but some are just me, & my general worrying ways.  Emily is very much excited to go!  That really goes a long way to make me feel more comfortable about this choice. She & my husband/I have had a ton of discussions about what college will be like, & self care & the like.  We've tried & are still teaching her things we feel like she'll need to do/know before entering college but it's getting sooooo real & it's getting so close, & that makes me hope we gave her all the necessary skills needed to live on her own. She's our only child so she's not used to the idea of sharing a room or anything like that.  Or being around that many people in general. She struggles making friend's with people her own age.  However over the last year & 1/2 has even made great strides with that.  Developing a friendship with someone all on her own.... this might not seem like a great accomplishment for other teenagers but when as a parent you've done most of the driving of any kind of friendships between your child & others & still they are mostly superficial & not real deep friendships, it's been a real break through and I"m almost as proud of that as anything else she's accomplished in her life.  Another concern to us is that like I mentioned already, we thought that taking the gap year would provide her with a bunch of experiences...thanks to Covid-19 not so much but hopefully with the summer months ahead, she can perhaps start doing more.  Most things have been closed so with the possible re-opening up of places,  maybe a bit more opportunities will present themselves for her.  As long as it's safe of course.  Overall,   I'm extremely proud & excited for Emily to enter this next chapter of her life.  Soon.. I get to proudly share that my kid is in college! WOW... what an accomplishment for our lil' former miracle micro-preemie. 💓

The world continues to provide it's own trauma, aside from Covid...  About 2 weeks ago, a black man name George Floyd was CLEARLY murdered by a police officer & 3 other officers allowed & participated in their own right while witnesses pleaded for them to stop,it was all caught on camera...again. Thank goodness for the camera.   It was beyond awful to watch that video, but because of it, so much has happened & it has awakened people of all nationalities to stand up for him/& other people of color & fight racist police brutality and get behind the #BlackLiveMatters movement.   We've had about 2 weeks of non-stop protesting in major cities & small alike all across our country & while it should not have taken another black man's murder to awaken this,  it is in many ways a beautiful thing to witness & be a part of.  While I've always felt lucky to have grown up in the family I did & been blessed to be surrounded by a family which is diverse & loving, I feel I still have a lot of learning to do myself.  We need to all be more aware & take actions to become "Anti-racist" as opposed to just not racist.  Our family as a start, have listened,  read articles, ordered books about being Anti-racist, supported black owned businesses, causes,  among other things.  While we've wanted to be involved in one of the many protest, we have not had the chance yet.  I'm still working & Brian too & with Covid 19 it still feels a bit unsafe.   I'm very proud of my fellow humans for doing what they are though & trust me when I say we're there with them all in spirit.  We have to change the world for the better, we have to love one another & just fight injustices when we see them.  We all have to try in what ever ways we can to be better.  I'm starting with me & my family.  I hope you are also.  Voting for people who will support the right legislating is a crucial start.  If you are reading this... God bless you & your family at this most critical of times. As a nation, we have to believe ... We Got This!