Autumn

This beautiful girl was named Autumn, she was 12...She was reported missing by her parents on Saturday October 20th... Usually you hear about these things & you feel sad for the parents & child but afterwards you go on about your business cause what can you really do. Wishing things like this never happened & down deep feeling relieved it's happened there & not here. Not where you live.. grateful that it's not your town or god forbid your child. This time was different though, this time it hit way too close to home,& so I honestly couldn't stop thinking about Autumn, & her parents, it was all I could think about on Sunday after hearing about it, a deep profound fear & sadness about this child because not only did it happen in a town called Clayton NJ, the very next town from the one I grew up in but I knew her, not well but I knew her mom & had met her once, see I am facebook friends with her mom Jennifer. We had went to High School together. I wasn't super close to her back in the day, but close enough that she or I accepted the other's friend request a few years ago, & as I've grown to know Jennifer more, I've gotten to really like her. Some people you just connect a little bit more to than others on facebook, you can tell they are people whom you'd like to hang out with. I got to see her again two summers ago at a BBQ that one of another friend from High school was having, I realized I was right, she was still sweet & kind & I liked her instantly. We didn't talk too much that day, but we had a pleasant conversation, you know the kind you have when it's a little awkward not having seen a person in so long, but a very nice one nonetheless. I could tell my impression from facebook had been right, she was a nice person & had nice kids. The kind of person I could see being "real" friends with. She had brought along her two girls, She has a son & a step son also but I don't remember if they were there. I do remember her daughters, two of them. I initially thought they were twins, but I'm pretty sure she said no. Maybe Irish twins, very close in age. I could tell Jennifer was a good mom, a loving mom. SO when I heard about Autumn, I just couldn't stop thinking of how much pain she must be in. I just felt so scared that if this could happen to her daughter it could happen to anyone, to mine so I couldn't stop thinking about where Autumn was, it consumed me. I had met her, this beautiful girl from the missing poster, this time, this missing child wasn't just some child it was Autumn, Jennifer's daughter. I just wanted to do something to help. So on Monday i decided to go & help look for her. I honestly felt compelled to, I just kept thinking this could have been Emily. It wasn't fair, it was heartbreaking & I wanted to support Jennifer somehow, mostly I just wanted to find Autumn & ease her pain. SO Monday morning after making arrangements for rides to Clayton I went there, they set up arrangements for searchers to meet at the Presbyterian Church in the Center of the small town, lots of people showed up, desperate to help, I teamed up with other Glassboro classmates of ours from 20+years ago. Our small group was assigned 4 streets & we went door to door with flyers & looked in empty lots & anywhere & everywhere just looking for Autumn. I must admit my mind went to the place I didn't want it to while we were looking for her & at times I had an un-controllable need to SCREAM her name & other times I did. Our Team #18 was 7 women. Mine & Jennifer's former classmates/Friends from HS, Dawn & Michelle & Michelle's 20 yo daughter Samantha & three women who didn't know Jennifer or Autumn but also felt compelled to come & help. Samantha & I got teamed up. We kind of did a buddy system, each pair taking different houses. I remember saying perhaps she's in someone's house, an attic or basement so knock hard even if no one was home& listen & maybe we'll hear her screams. I just wanted so bad to find her, to stop this families suffering. We didn't of course, So after our grid was searched & we went back to the church to give them what little information we had (a women said she saw a vision, etc) & back there at the church, Jennifer saw us, she was acting so strong.. but you could see that her heart was broken. She acknowledged those in our group she knew, that by itself amazed me cause I'm not sure I'd had been that clear but to me she said " Melissa, thank you" Or something like that.. I did everything in my power not to cry cause I knew she was having a strong moment & I didn't want to do something to end it. I said simply "Sorry Jennifer" & I tried to convey everything in the hug i gave her, I hoped it let her know that she could lean on us, that she was brave & that I was sorry & a million other things I knew couldn't possibly make her feel any better. Nothing could except of course Autumn. While I wanted to stay all day there, looking for Autumn part of me wanted nothing more than to hug Emily, I couldn't stay anyway because I had to get home because no one was home to get Emily off the bus, the police told the groups that we were on stand by for now until they could re-organize & give out more grids they had our #'s & would call if need be,etc" I made arrangements to return on Tuesday morning with Sylvia another on our team, if she wasn't found before. So our team said our goodbyes at the church. But Michelle, Dawn, Samantha & I decided to continue looking for the 45 minutes we had before I absolutely had to leave to make Em's bus.. We all didn't want to stop yet...we didn't want to leave, we wanted to keep going-- we wanted to find Autumn the one thing we knew was the only thing that could ease the pain that Autumn's family was feeling. On Tuesday morning I learned that wouldn't come for Jennifer & her family because the police had discovered Autumn's body... This beautiful girl was gone & her parents will never be the same, an act of violence so despicable that you can't even wrap your head around it. To Jennifer & her family, & those that knew & loved Autumn, you have my sincerest sympathies, my thoughts & prayers are with you. Rest in peace Autumn you sweet beautiful little girl, may you be surrounded by love & peace now. I must say this, since I've heard about Autumn...It's made me want to appreciate what I have, life is full of pain & we don't know what this day or the next one will hold, & so I'm going to try & concentrate on the good more & the moment at hand. Since Autumn, Emily & I have had talks about things I wish we didn't have to. Reminders of what to do, not to do & that you don't know who is bad or good, they don't wear signs that say I'm bad-don't trust me, they could look like the nicest people, have been kind to you in past,are people you know or strangers, never go anywhere with anyone that Mommy & Daddy haven't ok'd to you directly, scream SO LOUD if anyone tries to grab you & always come straight home, always let us know where you are going, about good touches & bad touches, & all the while, hoping that I haven't scared the begeebez out of her, reminding her most people are good but you just never know so you need to have your guard up, & hoping that at 11, a quarter of this sinks in. Most importantly when I think of Autumn, all I want to do is give Emily more hugs, kisses, & way more I love you's. Lastly to anyone who is reading this please keep the Cornwell & Pasquale families in your prayers. I don't know how many people read my blog.. but if you happen to read this & would like to help a fund has been set up, contributions may be made to the Autumn Leigh Pasquale Memorial Fund, c/o Fulton Bank, 35 North Delsea Drive, Clayton, NJ 08312

FIRED UP!

Let me just start this by saying, I watched the debate I AM so happy with our president's performance at it. I think he was exactly what we needed him to be, he didn't let Mitt lie, & he was still respectful for the most part. I think there was one time when President Obama could have been portrayed as overstepping & that was when he was talking about education & he's very passionate about that... but I think he should have stopped talking a few moments before he actually did BUT other than that I thought he was pretty much SPOT ON!!! He explained what he’s done, he exposed Mitt on his lies, the 47% comment, & just generally seemed like he was fighting for us. He fired up the base & I’m pretty stoked. So that's got me really fired up. I decided to write a blog, because well something even before the debate has been bothering me & I don't know how to say it so I'll try my best and hope my point comes through I feel like a large portion of Mitt Romney's supporters are listening to the devils on their shoulders. What I mean about that is perhaps Mitt could turn around our economy... personally i don't think he will cause I believe in math & alot of really smart people are saying what he wants to put in place simply won't work.. a slow & steady approach makes more sense to me, The things the President has been doing since taking office, like jobs being created & a steady decrease in un-employment seems like a much smarter & better way in the long run. But people are so desperate for the economy to turn around quickly they are willing it seems to take a gamble on the un-known & un-clear planning by Mitt Romney, because after all he’s good at money.. he should be he’s been around it his whole life, BUT I have no faith that he'll turn around the economy in the best way perhaps not even in an ethical way BUT some seem so concerned with a QUICK turnaround of our economy that they are not willing to think of the "greater" picture, like losing programs that help the elderly, children, women, poor & the middle class. That's just wrong in my book. The one thing I can clearly & honestly say about Barack Obama is he CARES about people. How do I know this, because I've read a lot about him... I know for instance that he was in the projects of Chicago trying to help the citizens get asbestos from their homes in the housing projects there. He worked with people who others may have dismissed as being "voiceless" & listened to them & helped them realize they were not... HE worked with them NOT against them.. he didn't say they were unimportant to him because they didn't have money or make enough money. (*hmmmm... 47% comment) BUT instead he honestly listened to them... he cared. When he could have continued working at big law offices & make BIG time money, when they were falling over themselves wanting to hire him, he listened to his heart & decided to go into public service & make a difference for more people. He didn't listen to the devil on his shoulder that was perhaps saying, stay here at this law firm & become RICH! Now don't get me wrong, he is rich, but it's because among other things he wrote a very successful book(s)that sold a lot of copies. BUT he didn't hurt anyone do to it. I'm not sure that Mitt can say the same, I will be honest with you I don't know Mitt as well but from what I'm learning about him for instance he created Bain Capital & it was VERY successful, BUT according to a Washington Post article written by Tom Hamburger on June 21, 2012 "Mitt Romney’s financial company, Bain Capital, invested in a series of firms that specialized in relocating jobs done by American workers to new facilities in low-wage countries like China and India." That doesn't sound like doing what is best for the workers of America, it sounds just the opposite in fact. BUT even with that.. perhaps Mitt would help our economy but at what cost. Remember too that the people he wants to help also are NOT in need of it.. I think that those who can afford to pay a little bit more should, and that is not want Mitt wants to do..the middle class will suffer IF & more likely WHEN his FUNNY math doesn’t work.. we make up the largest population.. it’s not the top 2% that will have to pay IF this gamble doesn’t work.. it’s us!! NOT TO MENTION he hasn’t even laid out what programs will be ended to pay for this.. it’s a gamble, one I’m not willing to make & for what the small chance everyone who claims this math won’t work is wrong. The bigger point is we are much more than money... it's the root of all evil as they say. I'm worried that really important issues are being put on the back burner by so many who care only about the economy. Don't get me wrong money is important but there are more important things... Those things take precedent in my life & my decision on who runs my country. If we don't help people who need it the most, how can we live with ourselves. I look at third world countries.. I see the rich & powerful & I see the poor as dirt living in huts & that really scares me, we can't keep asking more of those that have less & less of those that have more.. I feel like it's a disaster waiting to happen, not only that though it's the wrong thing to do. We all want money enough to pay our bills, enough to send our children to college, enough to not have to worry if something happens but there are some of us that don't need anymore help.. they are alright. The rich among our society don't need hand holding, we do the middle class, the lower class, we need the help. I want to support a president who I believe has those peoples best interest in mind. If isn't clear after Mitt's 47% comment I don't know how it could ever be clearer, he just doesn't feel the same way about helping those among us that need it the most. He thinks we are moochers, he doesn't care about those people, people he claims don't take personal responsibility, Umm... hello your family was well off, you went to private schools, your family’s wealth allowed you not to know the struggles so many of us face. I have no idea how people who are rich feel, I've never been rich but I can imagine it's less stressful knowing how you'll pay for an unexpected problem that arises or a medical emergency. I know life can still be rough but it's a little less stressful because money is taken out of the list of concerns. All of us want to be in that position but the divide seems to be growing & growing.. it's terrifying.. it's sad. We are better than that.. we should be.. I want an America that is. I try hard not to listen to the devil on my shoulder I sometimes fail but honestly I really try not to, & my conscience doesn't allow it.. call me a bleeding heart liberal. I'd rather be just getting by & know in my heart that I’m on the right side than to be rich & greedy. I honestly would. I can sleep much better at night. SO unless you are absolutely sure that this “maybe” gamble will work & that money is that important to you that you are willing to throw out other things that are really important because remember we don’t know what Mitt Romney will get rid of in order to pay for these across the board tax cuts. Not to mention it takes more than a good business sense to lead our country.. Barack Obama has strengthened our world view & implemented many of the promises he made in 2008, & for those promises that he hasn't I’m sure will be priorities of term 2. Romney would be starting fresh with tax counts & military funding adding trillions to our deficit & so it seems like lots of things will have to be cut.. & he refuses to tell us what. It’s a gamble too great in my book. What about you?

Hybrid Happy

The best thing we did was buy a hybrid.. we love it. I know not everyone can afford a car payment but when u do the math on how much you spend on gas vs. what a car payment would cost you, you might be surprised sometimes the hybrid can pay for itself.. not only will the price of gas not upset you as much BUT you will be doing something positive for the environment. a win win Think about it.. just sayin'

A facebook exchange.

Last night I put up this on my Facebook: The president is too respectful & kind for his own good.. he needed to be a little more aggressive- plenty of things he could have talked about (during debate)...Hello the 47% comment!! I expect the president to b a lot more aggressive next time- he has plenty of ammo just didn't use it tonight. To which someone commented that this was beat like a dead horse already (i guess the 47% comment..) To which i responded: "This is a man running for president him saying what he said about 47% of people to his richies is very IMPORTANT & telling & will always be. Plus.. lots of people fall into that category needed to hear the president stand up FOR them on a national stage instead of insult them like Romney did." & It got me a little fired up so I wrote this blog Of course I want things better, I think the president is heading us in that direction.. the right way, which unfortunately takes time, I'm seeing progress being made by our president, but it's not easy to un-do that which has been so long overdo.. i think we MUST implement green technologies & concentrate HIGHLY on education, things that I think Mitt might not focus on as much as he should.. our country & large portions of the world quite frankly have been headed in the wrong direction for some time (*decades)One way to see this is the superior education some other countries give their children, issues like this matter so much for the future of our country. The economy is a sore spot people are struggling BUT people REALLY started struggling AFTER Bush was in office for 8 years. OFCOURSE, I want the economy better too, BUT I do think, it's taught me some important lessons about patience & necessity, for instance instead of buying new furniture I buy new covers for them, we aren't spending money like we use to, we are being more careful, budgeting better, & quite frankly will be in a better position when the economy turns around, as I'm confident it will do in time, cause it isn't an easy fix. People want fast turn around, I understand, I want it too but i'm trying to be rational & it's unreasonable to expect a quick turn around when its been years/decades of heading in the wrong direction. I also look at each candidates individual character & I see so much good in Barack Obama, fighting for all citizens & the 47% comment, along with other things is not a good indication of the character of Mitt Romney, I'm sure he's done good in his lifetime & I'm sure he did some good in MA but that is because he was a seemingly different politician back then. More moderate he now seems very conservative to me. Which is fine for some but not for me, my values don't allign with that, that's why I care so much about Barack Obama getting re-elected. If it comes off as personal attacks on Romney supporters it isn't, it's just me fighting for the man I believe to be the better choice to run our country.. he's kept us safe, killed Osama Bin Laden, prevented us from going into another great depression, implemented LONG OVERDUE equal rights for our Military men & women, & i could go on & on. The point I was making is it wasn't the presidents best debate BUT I think it's going to fuel him & hopefully he'll do better next time:)