Been a few days...

SO hello, I haven't been on here in a while because while I've been happy about the election. I've been miserable about something else. I started having this back pain last week and then I got what I thought was a rash from my bra rubbing but it turned out to be a major breakout of shingles. Which really sucks, is painful and really itchy. The pain kind of comes and goes but at times it can be excruciating and really annoying. Since shingles can be contagious, If a person has never had chicken pox or has a weak immune system. SO I feel a little like a leper. But not too much. Basically if you have had chicken pox, you still carry the virus inside of you and it lies dormant but for instance when stress gets to you it is possible for it to come again but this time in the form of shingles. (I'm blaming my stress over this election---- even though the outcome was the one I wanted I think I had ALOT of stress during the last week of it) I'm not one to go to the doctors and I NEVER go. I know alot of people say that, but I really NEVER go-- I truly have a fear of doctors! But this was something I didn't have a choice about. I needed to go! It was really embarrassing admitting to the doctor that it had been that long since I had gone. BUT she was very nice and even though I have to go back and I have to get some blood work done and I am of coursed really worried about, I know that I need to do it, not just for me but for Emily. I have to know how I'm doing. I'm scared but I have to. SO anyway, that is why I haven't written anything on here in a while. I've been tired and miserable and very itchy! SO you can imagine how this blog wasn't on my thoughts. I ALSO have to mention this because It has been freaking me out kind of... and please don't think I'm a NUT!! For probably almost 2 years I've been seeing the number 11 EVERY WHERE, I look at the clock... it's 9:11,11:11, 3:11 etc you get my drift at least a few times a day sometimes as much as 7 times a day. I've become well lets just say fixated on the fact that I've been seeing the #11---- I've talked to Brian about it over the course of the last 2 years and he didn't really think much about it... He's not very spiritual but for me it was like a sign or something, and I can't even believe I'm sharing this with you, because it's kind of out there and I don't want people to think I'm a kook. But anyway.... I got these shingles and like a said, it's been a LLOOOONNNNGG time since I have been to the doctors. I've been struggling with the concept of going because I've known my blood pressure is somewhat high and with my family history, I knew I just needed to go! But it was really hard because it had been so long and like I said was really embarrassing too. I tend to hide from things. I know it's not rational but fear often isn't rational. Anyway, I've been struggling and during this time I've been seeing these 11's... and 11 is an important # in my life. Emily, my MOM, Brian, my neice, my grand nephew, my father in law, were all born in NOVEMBER-- the 11th month. But for me especially the fact that my Mom and Emily were born in November really made me think about that my Mom was trying to come through to me somehow. I KNOW IT'S sounding crazy.... but I'm telling you something has been drawing me to look at the clock when it's on the 11, AND to be so freaked out about it to talk with Brian about it dozens of times. Anyway, Brian made the appointment for me, I think he thought that if he made it there wasn't a way I could back out and he tried to get it on Monday because the quicker you start treatment the better but they didn't have an appointment until Tuesday. It didn't dawn on me until yesterday morning that it was 11/11/08. IT FREAKED ME OUT!!! I don't know what it is telling me and maybe it's just coincidental but Brian will CONFIRM how long I have been talking about the number 11 with him. EVEN HE HAD TO ADMIT IT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD!! I'm just saying!! Maybe it was a message from God or my MOm kinda forcing my hand to go... taking it out of my control and even though I'm afraid about finding out what is wrong with me and dealing w/ my blood pressure and hopefully nothing else but it sorta was out of my hands.. I HAD TO GO and I HAD TO GO ON 11/11... FREAKY but also kind of comforting too.