The Kindness of a Stranger..

Something someone posted on Twitter "Just got prayed on by a stranger" reminded me of something that happened to us when we were in the hospital when Emily was first born.. as anyone who has followed this blog or knows me at all knows that our daughter Emily was born very premature.. I mean really premature, she was what they called a micro-preemie! Emily weighed only 14.7 oz when she was born!!! She was in the hospital for 6 months.. and thankfully after she was discharged has NEVER returned.. to say we are blessed is an understatement. Anyway, back to the story at hand... The story of Emily is a remarkable one... and the outcome truly amazing and I could go on and on about it. I love sharing her story... but this post is about one day of our 179 day journey at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia... one of the worst days there, but looking back now I think one of the most amazing as well.. We had been there a few weeks and Emily was having a really really bad day.. infact she had just gotten an infection which can be fatal for babies as small as Emily... we decided to go to the church inside of CHOP!! It was a tiny church inside the hospital.. we went up to the front of the aisle in between a few rows of pews on each side. There was a book that people could write prayers in and bibles.. There wasn't a preacher there or anything .. they did have a service, during certain hours but we weren't there at the right time. Brian isn't a very "religious" person. What he believes in exactly is hard to define. He is skeptical of religion but believes that there is a god or something larger than us. But at the time.. he was, like me so scared was willing to do anything if it would help Emily. So we sat there in the pew, shaking, obviously crying, and looking I'm sure like how we felt completely devastated. We were.. our Emily whom we loved and needed more than anything ever before was in a real bad way.. it wasn't looking good. we knew we needed a miracle... people often say that but we truly did. Her tiny body was fighting as hard as it could but we just weren't sure how much more it could take. We knew though she was a fighter... had been since the moment she came out.. so tiny & small the doctors feared she would not survive the delivery.. yet she came out crying with apgars of 8 & 9! The doctors in the delivery room hardly could contain their surprise... it lifted our spirits.. but apparently this happens sometimes.. preemies often have a "honeymoon" period before the "rollercoaster" preemie ride begins.. every premature parent knows what this means.. the good days (the ride is smooth) and the bad days of the SCARIEST up & downs you can imagine. This particular day was one of the scariest dips.. so anyway we were there... trying anything we could to help our daughter. We were there a few moments when this man came up to us... he was just a man. We hadn't seen him before.. he was an african american. He was kinda ordinary looking.. I'm not sure I could tell you anything about him today.. my focus was solely on Emily... but this kind stranger said something to us like, "do u have a child here at the hospital" Our tears making it hard for us to speak, I'm sure we just shook our heads! Maybe said.. "yes" He said something like "I can see your pain, they say that people who pray together can move mountains.. would it be alright if I prayed with you" again.. i'm not sure if we said much or just nodded our heads again but we did pray with him.. the words were his,..I was quietly saying my own.."Please GOD, Please GOD, Please let her be okay" Anyway, We sat there praying together.. this man, Brian & I. After a bit. we had to leave... we had to get back to Emily.... so we left him, this man who took the time to pray for us & OUR Emily. We didn't even get his name.. didn't even properly thank him... we said a quick heartfelt Thank you, perhaps shook his hand, then we left! Looking back it doesn't seem enough. he stopped his day, whatever reason he was there for... to help us! Whenever someone says the expression.. "the kindness of Strangers" I think of this man. This man who was there and offered the one thing we needed that day.. HOPE! That day didn't end with some miraculous healing... but it did end with Emily there to fight another day, and that was all the miracle we needed.

Our Christmas 2011

HI Everyone!! Merry Christmas!!! My family had a great one! On Christmas Eve we went over our friend Danielle's house, she & her family have an open house-it was fun! We got there around 3:30 and stayed til around 5, then a quick stop at home to pick up a pumpkin pie I had made and then off to our brother & Sister In laws for a really yummy turkey dinner! We had a nice time with our nephews (Jimmy, Patrick & Christopher) The kids opened their gifts.. we decided a few years ago to end adult gifts on my husband's side. WHich is fine by us, Brian & I didn't even exchange presents this year. It's been a tough year, on quite honestly everyone--- gas prices, etc. PLUS, We wanted a christmas WITHOUT any debt!!! We succeeded to, were able to buy all the presents with CASH!!! This is a first for us and I'll be happy to have this tradition continue!! :) Anyway, after we left Jim & Debbie's house we got home and read Emily How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Twas the night before Christmas (this is tradition in our house!) Emily still LOVES it!!! She was able to open one gift on Christmas Eve.. a bagugan!! Then it was bedtime.. Emily is really good about going to bed, Ofcourse her supplemental Melontonin helps.. LOL! She slept until 9!!! :) She was SOOOO over the moon about her presents, she got a good amt of gifts and the one thing she wanted the most & she's HAPPY!! Seeing her joy & smile while opening her presents was honestly the only gift I needed.Then after Emily & Fernando opened their presents. We just got Fernando a few presents.. a pair of work boots, a thermal shirt, a pop-corn tin, and a few others.. he's getting older himself! I still feel like he's only a teenager but he's not & so the adult gift plan goes for him too but we couldn't not get him anything. so we got him a few things. Anyway, after that we headed over to my aunts for her annual Christmas morning breakfast.. soo yum!!! My cousin Ursula made this stuffed frenchtoast that was so good, we were soo full by the time we left (well except Brian he couldn't eat any of it, his stomach was bothering him alot the day before and he didn't want to push it.. so he had a bowl of cereal when he got home.. poor guy, really missed out!!) Anyway, that was sooo much fun! But we had to get home to put our turkey in the oven *yes we had turkey again, Brian's FAVORITE!!! And one of the few things he can eat without it upsetting his stomach... Emily was happy to be home and be able to finally play with all her toys!!!!!! We then just had a nice quiet dinner of: turkey, mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, stuffing, crescent rolls, & green beans.. it was delicious if I do say so myself.. lol! Anyway.. it was a terrific Christmas, the only thing that could have made it any better was if my mom was here! But otherwise it was perfect!! Oh AND Emily got me a beautiful paper magnet for Christmas that she bought at her school's kiddie shop that said, "Mom- you are beautiful" It was perfect and THE ONE & only gift I needed! I LOVED IT SOO MUCH!! I honestly was overwelmed by it and felt like the luckiest person alive, I didn't need anything else I had my family.. we are blessed in so many ways.. it's been a tough year but we've come through it, stronger & happier! That's how I feel right now.. just happy! Happy to be me! Merry Christmas friends... I hope your family had as wonderful of a Christmas as ours!

The girl loves to perform.... :)

HI Last night our family went to Emily's 5th Grade Holiday Concert!! It was so great! Emily both sang and played the recorder in it! She ROCKED!!! She did really well.. a couple people even came up to us at the end and said how well she did on the recorder. We were really very proud of her, especially because the recorder club you had to volunteer for, The kids would practice at lunch & recess! So we really liked the idea that Emily decided to do this on her own, and she did great, even practiced at home!!! She was with her friends Zac & Reilly (both of whom came to her birthday party!!!) The kids performed all kinds of Christmas songs but also a Hannakah song, a kwansa song & Felix Navidad! They covered it all!! It was thoroughly enjoyable to see the kids. I actaully attended both the matinee show & the evening show (Brian was able to attend that one as well!!! This made Emily sooo happy that her daddy was there!!!) HE recorded the whole thing. The reason I attended both was because Emily performed a "duet" with one of her classmates for the morning show.. she was a ROCKSTAR! :)

A NYC Christmas Day!

Went to NYC this weekend with some friends, their children & Emily. We had a great time..Saw the Radio City Music Christmas show, had lunch at RockCenter Cafe, Visited the American Girl Store, the Lego Store, and FAO Shwartz. It was a fun day!!Of course in NYC I paid $21.00 for a CHEESEBURGER!!! WOW, it was really a very GOOD cheeseburger BUT holy-cow that is a lot of money. Oh Well.. Emily enjoyed the show a lot & liked NYC too. She did so well, we walked a lot and she didn't complain at all. We were right in front of the Ice Skaters at Rockefeller Center Ice Rink while we ate, that was my favorite part! Like I said it was a fun long day, and Emily was definitely ready to go home by the end it, (*mostly because she forgot to do her Excel homework and got herself all concerned about that.) It ended up fine we got home around 9:15pm, she did her Excel homework and then she went to bed, only about 15-30 minutes late! It was a really long day though.. considering we left for NY around 7:30am.. and didn't get home til 9:15pm.. I think Emily slept well. :) I might have found a lil' Christmas Spirit there! Woooo... good cause I really need some! Been feeling a little down this year, it helped pick me up some!

throwing this out there to...

Without getting into specifics, I feel the need to throw something out into the universe, to just let someone know that I know what you've tried to do to me and my family.. I don't understand it. Nor will I ever... that your goal is to so hurt another person is so heartless. SO while I know that someone who purposely hurts another is someone who deserves little of my time. I also realize that when someone is trying to hurt you BUT they are being a coward about it, and not coming forward to say who they really are or what their real issue with you is... that as much of a BIGGER person as you want to be, you are human & would like nothing better than to call them out for their actions. I know what you are, you're PATHETIC and I want to call you out on it. GOD SEES YOU!! You pretend to be a "good" person when I know the truth, your type of good is a good I never want to be. I'll take mine, the kind that is good on the inside & the outside.. and while I may make mistakes because of anger, stress or frustration, it's spontaneous, it's a moment of weakness not a deep-seeded evil.... it's not planned or "schemed" & the fact that your goal was to hurt another person so viciously shows your true colors.... I got glimpse before but now I really know the truth.. you're pathetic. My hope is that you see this.. cause you've done everything anonymous so I can't really call you out without a lot of people getting hurt... I know.. God knows..I know.

Christmas vs. Holiday? OH the horror of it....

Today while i was on facebook, I saw another post that someone put on there about... "THEY HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE.. not a holiday tree.. and they have CHRISTMAS presents not "holiday" presents & they are going to wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS and NOT a Happy Holiday.. and blah blah blah" AND OMG!!! I JUST COULD NOT TAKE IT ANY MORE.. i went off.. i went off in my "missy" way but I still went off... ugh this has got to be the stupidest thing for people to be upset over.. I mean come on WHO CARES, call it whatever you want.. let others call it what ever they want.. why is this important.. why is this upsetting to anyone.. why do I have to see your stupidity... needless to say I had my full of these post. My take..... someone greets you with a kind statement, and you are finding a reason to bitch about it. I mean what the hell is wrong with someone saying Happy holidays, It's a nice thing... When someone says it to me I'm happy... i think .. Thank you! I don't think.. "I'm a CHRISTIAN.. I celebrate CHRISTmas & how dare you say HAPPY HOLIDAYS to me!!!" People really think this is an issue... there are so many things wrong in the world and this is what you have to bitch at. OMG.... By the way, just so it's clear.... I actually am one of those people who says HAPPY HOLIDAYS! especially to people I don't know what they celebrate.. i've said it proudly, thinking this was the perfect thing to wish someone especially if I didn't know them. Now I really need to go & decorate my Christmas tree, What??? Yes, I call it a Christmas tree.. and just cause I wish you Happy Holidays doesn't mean I'm a Christmas hater?? NO.. I'm just someone who knows that Christians aren't the only people celebrating holidays this time of year. It's insane..really. Okay.. now that that is over..... HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! Peace people!

Emily's "Super Fun" Pen & Pencil Holders!

Emily's 25 HOMEMADE Pencil & Pen Holders for a class project in Excel. It was teaching about product development, marketing and sales. They are holding a Mini-trade fair today at school. :) I think she did a great job!!

Well hello there..

I forgot my mom's birthday.. it was November 19th. I completely forgot it, I was soo busy getting ready for Thanksgiving, Emily's birthday & my mother in law's visit that it totally slipped my mind. I always remember it, I usually write up something on my facebook page about how much I miss her and how i can't believe that it's been such such amount of time since she's been gone. The truth is I do miss her so much, just that day I was sooo busy & stressing that I didn't realize that it was her day! I felt bad about it when I remembered it, but I still had things to do so I couldn't really beat myself up to hard about it. But my heart hurt alittle from forgetting it. Did that mean I was a "bad" daughter? Cause I would have said something like... " Today is my mom's birthday.. she would have been 62 today! God I miss her, I hope she knows how much I love her and that she is watching in amazement at Emily & feeling as proud as I am. Mom.. I love you! Happy Birthday! :)" I should have wrote something like that, so when I remembered that I forgot i felt bad, like my mom would be upset. I know it's silly, but I still want her to know how much i loved her & still love her! SO i was really feeling quite bad about it. Anyway.. the day after I "forgot" her, I was cleaning out the oven. We had self-cleaned it but I had to take a sponge and wipe it all down and wipe the racks inside.. well when I was done.. i went about doing something else.. after a little while, I just happened to glance at my arm and I saw this image made somehow out of the drippings of the dirt off the sponge! To me it was immediately clear that it was an angel & I knew it was some how my mom. The other funny thing is that over the course of the last month I had referred to trying to see Jesus in things.. i even made reference on facebook to "an odd shape in my potato chip, but that try as I might, I didn't see Jesus or the Virgin Mary so I figured it was ok to eat.lol" So it was kind of a joke & it was exactly the kind of thing I could see my mom doing, to reference some silly thing I said...the thing is though it totally made me feel better and isn't that what mothers do? Comfort their children & make them feel better, even when they've been gone for 11 years, somehow she still managed to say, "it's Okay" So thanks mom! I love you, keep figuring out ways to let me know once in a while that you're still around!

Love this!!! :)

A great "lil' family weekend"

HI, I had a great weekend. Didn't do much but it was just a nice calm family weekend. Emily & I had some great talks this weekend, and some quiet sweet moments that are really the BEST ones you can have. We had a great talk about the songs that her daddy & I sang to her when she was a baby especially when she was still in the NICU for those 6 months. Those songs were how we were able to provide Emily with a little stimilation when she was in the isolette. A way for us to feel close to her. I would sing, "you are my sunshine", "the itsy bitsy spider" and "the abc song". Her daddy would sing, "over the rainbow" & "Little Miss Magic" It was sweet to remember this, a pleasant moment from such a difficult time for us all. Also we played a game with her of "treasure hunt" where we would give her clues and make her "solve" them in order to find a small treasure at the end. She LOVED this! We played it on Saturday and she had such fun, we played again on Sunday! Emily & I ended the night today by watching the "Halo" awards on Teen Nick. It was Emily's idea that we watch it, and I'm so glad we did... its an award show that gives awards to "average" teens who have made differences in their communities... It was very inspiring & after it, Emily & I had a lil' discussion about the show and bullying and how we can help others too. All in all it was a great weekend. Brian had to do a lot of work cause he's going a way next week on business and must finish this project he's working on so it kind of forced us to stay home, but it turned out to be a great weekend. A slow down weekend.. and it was GREAT!! What could make it better is if the Steelers win, I hope so, cause that would make Brian HAPPY!! Anyway.. I'm feeling soo much love right now, and it inspired me to write a little on here. Much love to you too! :)

as if, u didn't know.. ;)

Thought for the day....

Don't you hate when you suspect something of someone but you'll never really know without jeopardizing friendships. But inside you already kinda know it, and it affects how you think about that person. It clouds your opinion of him/her soooo much so that you can't really ever completely like them in the same way again, no matter if you kinda wish you could forget it and move on.

Emily's new look! (short hair & new glasses!)

Ignorance is bliss but NOT productive....

Well I've decided to write a note because my anger is getting the better of me and I want to get some things off my mind. I know people on facebook and real life who have HATED Obama since day one-infact before day one. We were at a party, well before he won & a person asked us knowing we were supporters, "If Obama was even an american citizen" We looked at that person like he had three eyes. People are that stupid,i know that sounds harsh, so I'll say this if not stupid extremely ignorant.... and you know what they say ignorance is bliss. BUT what angers me is that it shows how much they don't know because this president has succeeded in so many promises & yet is continuely met with hate. So many of my "so" called facebook friends have put "Obama" hate out on their pages since day one without even giving the man a chance.... This president can give the go-ahead to go in there and KILL Osama... and yet he gets still NO respect. He can keep the promises he campaigned for like trying to help people who have no health insurance...& succeed in getting them some. He can succeed in changing "don't ask don't tell". I ask you, what if it was your son or daughter. who happened to be gay but LOVED our country enough to risk putting his life on the line for it. YET they had to hide WHO they were, just to be able to. I've heard from people on this topic some who have fought for our country and while I really do respect what they have to say. (I really do) I keep coming back to the fact that it just isn't fair that they should HIDE who they are IF they don't want to. They know the possible risk but I imagine if they are brave enough to fight our country they are brave enough to accept whatever comes their way for living their life without a lie IF they so choose to tell OR atleast GOD-forbiet some one happens to find out they won't loss their job over it! A job I couldn't do.. I'm not brave enough. These men & women of our military, all of them, who fight for our country deserve our respect.. each of them, and how we've done it in the past is really just despicable. We are taught from an early age to respect each other.. to do on to others as we would like to have done to us... our country has made these men and women lie just so they could keep thier jobs. I am so happy that our president had the courage to take on this & keep another promise. TO FINALLY do what is RIGHT to do. I understand that people have different opinions than mine. I don't understand their opinions alot of the time but understand they have the right to their own BUT what surprises me is how much common courtesy is left out some times. I must admit at times I've wanted to be "ignorant" to it all.. I've wanted to pretend that it doesn't matter who is in the office of president but it DOES! Atleast to me.... it does. There are core-values that I beleive in... I beleive that if you have more, you do have an obligation to give more, or pay a little more in taxes. (your fair share based on what you earn) I think that the president is a fair man... a man who has taken on so much adversity. More than any other. I only have to look at the example of his birth certificate to get so angry my blood boils... this man had to proof he WAS born in our country. (as if that could even happen, that the powers to be would let a man run for office without knowing this...) but that wasn't good enough, i wonder why??? because his name is funny... because he doens't look like every other president we've had! Because people have HATED him from day one and NO MATTER what this president accomplishes it isn't going to change what they think... it's their story & their sticking to it.... no matter how much it keeps our country down. This man has made great strides despite being fought at every turn. The congress now has the chance to let him TRY and help with jobs & the economy. His toughest battle because it affects soooo many of us. We have been on this downward spiral for soo long, he said when he was campaigning it would be his BIGGEST challenge, that it would TAKE YEARS!! Probably wouldn't get done in his first term! When the hole of debt has taken a decade+ to get in, how are people expecting it to take nothing at all to fix. HE needs two terms in order to complete the job he started. He needs congress to work together & stop fighting him on EVERY single thing. SOOOO my hopes are that people who have just been blissfully avoiding the drama of it all, realize that it takes alot of us to continue on the path of healing our country and I hope that if you voted for Barack Obama the first time, you will vote for him again because it isn't just going to happen that he gets elected. SOOO many people want instant gratification, well me too but it just doesn't happen that way.. and so I hope that as this election season comes up that we all fight with the same passion we fought for before because the job isn't over and while we won't change the minds of those people who "are sticking to their story" no matter the evidence that perhaps there is reason for them to stop. We who voted this man in the first time should atleast see it through and hope that he is giving the opportunity to continue fighting for what we wanted in the first place and perhaps a long the way, maybe just maybe change a few opinions along the way and get people who didn't vote before to do so. Because while it's easy to be Ignorant to everything, and not want to get involved, it's our future that's at stake. It's worth it!

Emily B. 5th GRADER!!!

Can't even believe it but Emily started FIFTH grade today!!! She was really excited & I think got up a little early.. when I went in her room at 7:30 she was already up. She's soo like me.. I used to do the same thing. Anyway.. it's 1:24 pm and I can't wait til she gets home to find out how her day was!! Plus.... I miss her.. i hope she had a GREAT day, and I hope this is a GREAT year for her! She definitely deserves it! Anyway.. Emily asked me to write about her eye dr's appt on here so I told her I would. She had an eye doctor appt on 8/30 with a new eye dr. whom we liked a lot and her office is in Woodbury. So it's closer than going over the bridge to CHOP. Since this new doctor is a Pediatric Ophthalmologist we felt comfortable taking her there... she's always gone to CHOP but they messed up the paperwork last time and our insurance would no longer cover it. UGH annoying but it all worked out.. the new doctor came HIGHLY recommended and seemed really thorough... unfortunately for Emily that meant the dreaded "EYE DROPS" ugh... Emily HATES them!!! But she did SOOOO well with them this time and we were really really PROUD of her. I could see how she's matured and it made me soooooo proud to see! Anyway.. I hope Emily has a great day, and I can't help but think of her while she's at school cause I miss her soo much & hope she's having a good day!! Love her LOTS!!!!! Duh!

While my sleeping child sleeps..

Decided since Emily was still sleeping I would write a little this morning... Em came in my room at 7am & I told her to try and sleep a little more,lol boy is she.. haha.. it's now 10:20 and she's still asleep. :) It's summer vacation, so why not! Anyway, yesterday was my aunts birthday.. i think she is 56. I think she is 16 years older than me. We have become such good friends..not just neice & aunt but friends.. it's really wonderful! Thank god, cause other than Danielle, I don't have many other REAL friends. I have my friends on facebook, but I'm not really sure those I would consider real friendships. I'll explain more about that later. But back to my aunt. My aunt & my cousin Tiffany (her daughter),Emily & I all went to Olive Garden last night for dinner! YUM! We had a nice time! I'm so thankful for my aunt.. especially since I don't have my mom around, it is really nice to have her. We talk about my mom alot and it makes me feel close to her as well. I wish my sister could have the same with my aunt, but it's harder for her but i think she probably needs it too. Although my sister was never as close to my aunt as I was. I try and speak to my aunt ATLEAST once a week, just so i don't lose that closeness with her! Anyway.. let's see what else.. My 40th BIRTHDAY is coming. It's the end of this month.. I'm kinda depressed about it. It sounds soo old to me. I don't feel that old AT ALL!!! But man the years have just flown by. I know I should have a better attitude about the whole thing... but if I'm being honest here, I really don't! I mean trust me I'm grateful for another birthday.. it means I lived another year but COME ON... slow down life. PLEASE! It's really flying by. I try really hard to remember my mom's words, she would always say that... BE HAPPY on your birthday, it means you lived to see another year!! Isn't that the truth and I know more than some how true those words are... considering my mom lived to only be 51 and would have done anything to live to be older. SO I'm trying mom to be happy about turning 40, for myself & for you!! :) I really miss her, i wish she was here to help me celebrate! i know I've said this before but her and I were just getting to the point of being "TRUE" friends.. not just mom & daughter but friends! So it makes me really sad when i think we hadn't yet become it when she passed away.... we should have had more time. It makes me angry & sad. I find myself sometimes talking to her.. (don't think I'm crazy and it's not like she answers me back..haha) but for instance the other day on the country music channel, they had a special on Kenny Rogers (my mom's favorite) so I watched it for her and at one point said.. "mom, i hope u see me, cause I've got this on for you" Just kind of putting it out there for the heavens to hear. :) that's okay, I think. ;) We are suppose to be getting a hurricane on Sunday. Hurricane Irene... it's suppose to be a strong cat 2/3 storm.. one of the worse we've had in years. Our backyard is a swamp usually after just a regular storm.. and now they are talking about 6 to 10 inches of rain & strong wind. I hope we don't get any damage from it! That would really suck! The people down the shore have the most to worry about... my friend Tracy is down there so I'm really concerned for her. I pray her family will be ok. Anyway..I guess that's it. Back to my facebook thing from earlier on in this post... I've become a little jaded with facebook & to tell you the truth haven't been enjoying it as much. This guy who was the brother of a very good friend of mine from my school days friended me on it... and I was soooo excited to hve a connection to Denise that I emailed him to make sure that was who he was... and it was Denise's brother.... so i asked him if he would check with Denise and see if she wanted to connect with me. ANyway after a few correspondence back and forth.. he un-friended me and I have no other way to take it but that maybe he spoke with Denise and she had no interest in talking to me. I guess my feelings are hurt. I mean whatever happened back then it's been 20+ years and I was willing to put the past behind us and remember the good times which were many and just try and speak after all these years.. but I guess she didn't care. So my feelings are hurt. I don't know the real truth to wht happened & it's not like I've been crying over it, it just hurt my feelings alittle. Between that & a few other things I'm just kinda over facebook (atleast at the moment) haha. Alright Emily just woke up and I gotta go make her breakfast! Or brunch at this point. Thanks for reading.. PEACE!

Just call me Oscar yesterday!

I like to imagine that I'm the perfect mom, but I know that isn't true. I was in a Grouchy mood yesterday. We all have those days, days when the simpliest infraction has you yelling more than you should. That was me yesterday with Emily.. and ofcourse I feel bad about it. I am not normally a yeller, so when I yell I often feel guilty about it. I was getting upset with Em over the silly things yesterday. She did do something dangerous (un-buckled her seat belt and stood up while Danielle was driving yesterday and I felt like i HAD to yell at her for that one!) Anyway, I explained to her last night that I was sorry I was grouchy today... & she said it was no big deal. But she's such a sweet girl and I truly hate when i have one of those days. I know i'm human, so while I want to be a "stepford" mom everyday and do everything perfect in reality I'm not and will have these days. I hope today is a good one, and that I'm more patient with her today. I'm sure I will be, cause I'm gonna make sure I am!!!! I love her so much! :)

More things....

I realized that i forgot to mention a few things in my last post.. for one thing, My brother got his drivers license. I'm really proud of him! I know he's relieved to have it. It only took 2 attempts for him to get it. I think he could have passed the first time but he let his nerves get to him. Anyway, I'm happy he has it, not only for driving but because he needed to have some type of ID. He is now trying to save up some money to either fix the car he has or buy another one. :) Anyway.. we've been home from New Mexico for nearly two weeks already... the summer sure seems to be flying by. Last week we went to the Jersey shore with Danielle.. Our first time this summer!!! We always go to Ocean City.. & even though there are many options for beaches--- we like that one & Danielle usually gets a season pass. I think mostly we like knowing where to park & where the bathrooms are located.. haha.. those things matter when you have kids in tow. We had a great day!!!! The weather was perfect, the waves were FIERCE!! At least for the Jersey shore! :) Also I'd been feeling bad because I hadn't seen my aunt since I got back from vacation.. we try'd a few times but our plans always feel thru, but luckily that all changed this weekend when Emily & I went to the lake with her. I really wanted Brian to go with us but not only did he have to work but he ABSOLUTELY hates HOT weather! So he politely declined going.... BUT Emily, Aunt Barbara & I had a great time! PLUS BIG NEWS....... EMILY FINALLY LEARNED TO FLOAT!!! We had been really trying to get her to do it while we were on vacation but she wasn't quite ready well that all changed this weekend.. she did it!!! After she figured out how to, there was no stopping her... she just was floating, floating, floating!!! It was really awesome! She was so proud of herself. Emily has this way about her, she gets soo excited when she finally conquers something. You can't help but FEEL her joy! It's one of many of my favorite things about her! It might take her longer to conquer something but when she's ready she's ready & when she accomplishes it... she's so proud! (Ofcourse I was really proud of her too!) I wish Brian had been there to see it... Emily really wants him to come the next time and see her float so I'm hoping there is a cool clear day in the future & he'll have no excuse. I know he wants to spend time with her & I'm not really trying to make him feel bad, because I know he's been working so hard for our family... it just would have been great if he could have seen it. Luckily I took pictures.. so he kinda did! Anyway..after the lake, Brian & Fernando met up with us at my aunts house and we had dinner! We even were able to eat some of my tomatoes & cucumbers from my garden!! They were good.... my garden is doing well.. it survived me being away.. THank you Fernando! But hasn't supplied me with quite the harvest I had hoped for..BUT it's been extremely HOT! I learned soo much this year though (my rookie garden year) that next year my garden is going to really ROCK! I know just what to do to make it even better!!!! ALSO... i can't believe Emily's school year starts in a little over a month.. her last year of Elementary school... where is the years going..... She's growing so fast! But so beautiful too. I have alot of hopes for her this year, I hope she makes some really good friends.. (the kind that will have her back in Middle School & High School) I know how important it is for her to make those friends NOW!!! I also know that it's a little more difficult for Emily to make friends than most kids her age. But she'll get them. She's a great kid!! & anyone would be lucky to be her BEST friend(other than Madeline of course, who is a great best friend to her) but she needs to find one at her school, she just needs to find the right person.. & Emily will!! Just like always in her own time! :)

Lots to share...

Hi... well.. reading over my post (or shall I say lack of post) I realize that I have been majorly slacking off. I guess I've had a busy summer, so while Emily is sleeping in... i figured I would take a few minutes and write a little down. Our family went on vacation to West Virginia the first week in July for a family reunion. We had a great time. We stayed at a place called Oglebay, it was an up-scale campground. The kind of campground that had everything.. including a museum, a zoo, many shops, a lodge. We stayed in one of their cottages (infact our family rented 3 cottages.... the Roach boys (My husband & his 2 brother's & their families) stayed in one. Pat & Aunt Barbara & Nic stayed in another smaller one. & Our cousin Niki and her family stayed in the last one. It was really nice. We had great weather and did many things... like.. swimming in 3 different pools they had there, going to the museums, their nature center, hiking, the zoo, and just hanging out. Infact they had so much to do there, that even after a week of being there, we still didn't manage to fit it all in. But we did do most of it and everyone seemed to have a great time! I know we did! After that... Emily & I started our own adventure.. Brian couldn't get the time off, so Emily & I made the treck all the way back to New Mexico with Pat! We finally got the opportunity to see where Grandma lives and Emily LOVED it! I actually ENJOYED the roadtrip. Pat was really great at only driving during the day, ( I get a little nervous at night--the big rigs lights freak me out) so we would drive for about 9 or 10 hours during the day and stop at a hotel for the night and start early the next day. This way Emily was able to swim a little each night in the hotel swimming pools. (She has become a fish this summer! I'm quite proud of her!!) Anyway.. we got to New Mexico in 3 days.. which wasn't bad considering we stopped in Missouri & visited a drive thru Cavern! You know the kind with stalagmites and stalagtites.. it was really cool & the only drive thru one! Pat had discovered it & we decided to take the time out and do it. It was a nice break! I enjoyed the pace of this roadtrip more than any other.. Even with the time taken up by the drive there we were still able to spend a week in New Mexico! We had a great time, I really enjoyed the fresh air & look of New Mexico! Although there is sooo much brown! The houses especially where Pat lives are all in the New Mexico style adobe coloring...... so its different shades of browns. But being a bit of a earth tone girl.. i quite liked them! We did many things in New Mexico.. like Museums, a trip to Albuquerque which included another museum, zoo and aquariam! A few of a our day outdoor trips that Pat had wanted us to see had to be cancelled because of the horrible mountain fires they were having, many of the national parks and recreational activities were cancelled.. it was the only vacation i was ever on that RAIN would have been ok. I hated seeing the mountains on fire in the distance.. it was hard to see and hear about, I'm sure worse if you were actually a resident. Pat is quite good at being a "travel" tour guide and took us to see many things.. like petroglyphs and a place where she volunteers and we did a "Josephina" tour. Josephina is based on one of the American girl dolls and we got to see an actual settlement like the ones that are talked about in the books & stories of the time when Josephina would have lived. It was cool.. Emily likes things like that, but when she's had enough, she's had enough.. it's hard to keep her attention for tooo long but she still had a wonderful time! She would have been fine chilling at Grandma's house for the whole trip. She kinda fell in love with a few of Grandma's stuffed animals and was happy making up stories and putting on plays with them at Grandma's house. Pat's house was neat, she collects different Native American & other artwork from New Mexico & her travels and so every where you look in her house there is something neat to see! We had a few chill days at her house just to give Emily the break she needed, it was funny.. we would go to bed sooo early like 9 or 9:30 and wake up like 6:30 or 7:30 am... it really was a laid back kinda trip and it was nice that way. I even read an ENTIRE book... called "the Help" which was really good.. Brian had gotten me a Kindle before we left and that was great for us to have. We went out to eat a few times in New Mexico and each time I was daring and decided to order it like it came to get the "Official" New Mexican cuisine which of course included getting Green & red chile on everything.. i gotta say I LOVED it!!!!! We ate at this place called Harry's Roadhouse which is really POPULAR with the locals. IT was sooo YUMMY!! I got a burrito with green & red chile's! It was my favorite meal of the trip! I just thought YUM the entire time i was eating it.. we also had a great dinner at a place called Maria's where I got fahitas.. they were good too but not like that burrito from Harry's. lol. The last day Monday.. we found out our train home was delayed so Pat suggested we go to "Lotaburger" and get a Green Chile Cheeseburger which is the "OFFICIAL" food of New Mexico.. so we did.. and I quite liked it, but that was the HOTTEST of the green chile's I had eaten and I needed ALOT of ice tea with it!! LoL!! All in all we had a great trip!! I am soo thankful for Pat for putting up with us, I'm sure all she wanted to do after a week of vacationing in WV was relax and she was such a wonderful and gracious host to us!! Thank u PAT!! It meant so much to us that we were there! :) SO after we finally got on the train (it was 3 hours late picking us up in New Mexico) we actually had a good time on the train, atleast for the first leg which was Lamy NM to Chicago IL! They had a few volunteer Forest Rangers on the train who were in the sight seeing lounge car and would give you information on what you were seeing out the train! Also they had a Junior Ranger program, Emily had to finish an activity book and make a pledge and she became a JUNIOR RANGER!!!! She acted like she was receiving the Academy Award when they made the announcement that there was a New JR. Ranger Emily Roach age 10 from Blackwood NJ!! SHe was waving her hand, holding up her plastic badge & grinning from ear to ear!! It was great to see!! Anyway.. like I said we got on that train late but I wasn't too concerned because we had a looooooong layover in Chicago for the second leg on the trip from what was originally suppose to be the last leg of the trip but that was cancelled & IF I had not called the day before we left to check the reservation would have not even known.. SOOOO we ended up having to change it from Chicago to Philadelphia TO Chicago to NYC then NYC to PHiladelphia!! NOT FUN!! Anyway..the 2nd leg was no where as nice as the first leg... this could have had something to do with SLeep depreviation BUT it also was because the staff was unfriendly and we didn't get ANY information (like where we were??? Or lunch or dinner reservations???) it was like night and day difference from the last train to this train. Really made me understand how the East Coast gets the rep they get.. i was hating "us" after this trip! NOT helpful... and towards the end of the 2nd leg.. i was realizing that we would not make the 8:00 depart for the last leg.. so I kinda freaked on the conductor and explained *loudly how absolutely less impressed i was with this train compared to the last one.. & he didn't EVEN try to HELP me!!!! What an ass, he gave me the # to the amtrak to rebook my NYC to PHL portion of the trip! Gee Thanks! Needless to say, I was NOT happY!!!!! But luckily I found out there was a slim chance we would make that train because it was coming in 20 minutes late..... SO if we boogied we might JUST make it! and......... WE DID!!! The conductor was CLOSING the door & I was like "WAIT---WAIT is this the train to PHILADELPHIA!!!!" After being on trains or in train stations for the last 48 hours I was really relieved and happy that we were on that TRAIN!! The cafe cart was EVEN open so Emily and I were actaully able to get dinner since the last trains cafe cart closed well before I knew we were going to be that late and we didn't have the 1 1/2 hours we were suppose to have for a lay over in NYC to eat! We were STARVING!! We split a pizza & were on our way HOME!!! We ended up getting into Philadelphia about 10pm or so and finally seeing Brian!!! We were happy to be HOME!!! But also we really did all in all have a great time.. minus ofcourse the train issues! Emily is already saying she wants to go back to New Mexico!! :)

Veggie Happiness

Hi.... Okay wanted to write a quick post about the fact that my veggie garden is rockin'! I know I'm an incredible dork for how much complete happiness this is bringing me... BUT it is. Each day I go out and nature it up & am totally seeing soo much veggies already starting to form.. so cool to see. I have many starts of cucumbers, tomatoes, and green beans!!! The green pepper plant has doubled in size! yay! I'm not so sure about the lettuce or the sweet corn... fingers cross they make it! BUT read my post from a couple of weeks ago and I thought my veggie garden wan't gonna make it..... and it's doing sooo well..so i still have hope!! Can't wait til i can make bruschetta with my OWN tomatoes! YUM!! Pictures to come! :)

Emily's Current GRADES!!

Decided to go on the Family PORTAL for Emily's school and look to see how she's doing this marking Period... AWESOME!!! I knew it... but it makes me proud to see! :) She's soo excited about the end of school... but told me this morning.. it's also a little sad! :) I love her!!!

LANGUAGE ARTS4 99.40/ A
MATH4 94.43/ A
SOCIAL STUDIES4 100.00/ A
SCIENCE4 97.60/ A
READING4 97.50/ A
SPELLING4 100.00/ A

Emily's field trip & more...

it's been a good week... I chaperoned Emily's Excel class field trip. They went to Historic Philadelphia.. the kids got a map of the area, with 33 different locations they COULD visit & they were to pick 3 or 4 of them TO visit. IT's been an UNUSUALLY HOT week in NJ/Philly area. Today it's supposed to get up to 88. Anyway.. Tuesday the day of the trip was in the low 80's. But in the city it felt HOTTER! Anyway ofcourse Emily decides to choose places the farthest away from each other & we only had 2 1/2 hours. Luckily alot of parent chaperones went on the trip, so I was really responsible only for Emily.. which was good. We visited the Tomb of the Unnamed soldier, Independence Visitor center, the Bource Building for lunch, then to Elfreth's Alley & Betsy Ross House. the tomb was located on 7th or 8th st.& Elfreth's Alley was on 2nd.. it was rush, rush, rush... BUT we had a great time. We were hot & tired by the end.. but we got to see everything we had wanted to. Anyway.. like I said it's been really HOT & NO rain.. so my veggie plants have gotten some much needed sun! YAY! Today, Dan, Joshy and I went to Christmas tree shop, I got some organic fertilizer & a garden bag (i use it for Emily's stuffed animals.. works great!!). Then we went to lunch! Panera-YUMMM! Anyway.. guess I should go, I need to get some things done before Emily gets home from school & Brian home from work. Have a great day EVERYONE! :)OH and Emily just reminded me, OUR FAVORITES on Dancing with the Stars.. HINES WARD & KIM JOHNSON WON!!! WOO HOO! :) *We were waving our terrible towels.. OH YEAH!! Told you it's been a good week. :) I don't wanna jinx anything since it's only Thursday! So let's knock on wood. ;)

Vegetable gardening woes

i think my "veggie" garden isn't doing sooo good.. the ground is soo wet, it's been raining for so many days...I think they are drowning.. ugh. NO sprouts have immerged of what I've planted, and it's been over a week. There is rain being called for the next 3 days after that it's suppose to be sunny.. I just hope they can wait that long. VERY FRUSTRATING! :/

Shopping last night...

As you all know I've been trying to "penny pinch" around here. We went shopping and for us, it's been a few MONTHS since we've done any kind of major shopping because we've been trying to use up what we have & quite frankly didn't have the money to do a BIG shopping trip. SO LAST NIGHT was the NIGHT... Anyway we've been doing really good about using up what we had in the pantry BUT that means we were REALLY in need of some things.. we were having to get creative with dinner choices.. haha.. I think that's a sign. Anyway.. so being that I've been trying to save us some money.. i went thru the ad's and compared them to wht I had coupons for & then decided the places we should go and made up 4 list. One for Target, one for CVS, one for Riteaid, and one for SHOPRITE... I know it's sounds like a lot of work & running around.. but since we have the HYBRID now we don't mind so much the running around, and since I'm not working, I have the time to do it.. so we can swing it. Anyway, Brian got home kinda late last night so we ended up only going to 3 of the 4 stores, and we did pretty good. We saved $33.00 in Manufacturer's coupons and got 2 $5.00 Target gift cards &4 CVS bonus bucks to use next time. So a total of $47.00 in savings in coupons and BOUGHT nothing unless it was on sale.. NOT TOO BAD! We spent a total of $178.00 at all 3 stores we went last night... which was more than we wanted to spend BUT we also got ALOT of things for that, 60+ items... including some BIG ticket items like 2- 38lb boxes of cat litter, 1-20lb dog food, 3 razors & one blades refill (for me & Brian), 3 Shave gels,3 cottonelle wipe packages,a big 12 roll of paper towels, food shopping: Including 14 boxes of Cereal, 24-16 oz bottles of Ice Tea, 2 bags of Tostito's & salsa, 2-boxes of Granola bars *bonus back with 4 extra's for free, 2 frozen dinners, 2 pizzas, 2 free bottles of soda, amongst other things...We only bought things on sale or if we had a coupon and I was able to get many things on sale with a coupon! YAY! Anyway... we still have to go to Shoprite tonight... and I'm hoping we can keep it within $75.00 (we need a new swiffer-wet jet kit which is $17.99 on sale but I have a $5.00 off coupon so that's a big price item already) Anyway..I'm no where near as crazy as those Extreme Coupon people on TV NOR do I want to be & no where in my house do we have a wall length "stockpile" but I do like buying things when they are on sale..& then I use them up and not buy them again until we need them & only then will I buy them again, & I'll wait for them to go on sale or we have a coupon. I'm trying to be smart about it.. and know I don't need a stockpile of 40 DEODORANTS just because they were a good deal. The reason we got sooooo many cereals is because with Brian's stomach problems, its actually one of the things he regularly eats so we go thru A LOT of cereal... alot of Fiber one, Special K, etc.... so they can be like $4.00 a box if u don't have a coupon, so it made sense to buy them in bulk when they were on sale & also we had coupons! When I was doing this blog post, I counted the boxes from the receipts& I couldn't believe we have 14 boxes. Haha.. Anyway.. after tonights shopping, we shouldn't need to go serious shopping again for months, and week to week, we should only need the basics, milk, bread,etc. Which is good.... next week is when there is better meat sales... so we'll wait to buy our meat until then.... but that's it. Anyway... just wanted to share this with you, to show you how I've been doing it. :)

Oh and by the way.... We found this great program at CVS Pharmacy. We've been using Recyable bags at the stores. At CVS they have this things called GREENBAGTAG. It cost .99 and you put it on your green bag, and each visit have them scan it *there's a barcode on it. & after the 4th visit.. you get a $1.00 bonus buck savings certificate. HOW COOL??? Right?? Love it! :)

This was funny & true

Bill Maher was on Chris Matthews & said, "I know why 1% (the Richest 1%) votes for Republicans, you'll have to explain to me why the other 40-50% do" heheh... couldn't agree more! Just sayin'

It's okay to be me...

well i'm feeling kinda sad, well sad isn't even really it.. i guess I am feeling a little disappointed. Disappointed in people, why is my life, your business? If I want your opinion I'll ask for it--- otherwise, know that you're not perfect and I'm not ripping you apart for it. Sure there are things about me, that others might not get. But so what, it's my life not yours and If I'm okay with them then that's all that matters.. that's pretty much how I feel about alot of things.. to each his/her own. I don't have to undertand you--- I should try to respect you. If we were all the same, it would be really boring. I don't want your take on why i need to be different, I just want to be accepted for being me. I think I'm a pretty good version of me. Who's perfect anyway??? I know I went through a lot of words to basically tell you nothing.. because I dn't really feel like sharing what has me "disappointed" for lack of a better word. Let's just say... someone pointed out a(in there opinion) "flaw" of mine, and preceded to tell me how it is I could fix it. Well maybe I don't want to, it's not hurting you, so JUST SHUT UP! But I didn't say any of that... i bite my tongue and held my breathe... and didn't blurt out what I realy wanted to say which was just that...."SHUT UP" "WHO are you to judge me" blah blah blah..... but I did the grown up thing and kept quiet. But inside I was peeved and pissed & all together more angry than I should be, at this person who shouldn't have the power to make me feel that way. What I really wanted to do was go all REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ on their ass. After all I'm a Jersey Girl.. but alas my momma raised me better than that. She also raised me better then to do what was done to me. Anyway.. what I do need to work on is to be more confident in who it is I am.. and know that as Todd Parr wrote, "It's Okay to be Different" Perhaps some people who should know better, need to read that children's book again & heed the lesson that it's okay to be different! :) just sayin'

SO here are some pictures of my Vegetable garden.. I'm sure to avid gardeners out there I have made some mistakes BUT I'm new to this. I really did try.. I read my "Vegetable Gardening for dummies" book. I hope it works.. FINGERS CROSSED for me! Thanks Peeps! :)

People who are SUPPOSEDLY friends can do the most hurtful things... it's hard to believe.

Happy Mother's Day!

Well it's Mother's Day.... I woke up this morning to a WONDERFUL card that Emily made me. It was the most Beautiful card I EVER have seen... :) I'm LUCKY!

Just call me Grandma or an ECO-Warrior

We put up a clothesline the other day, and finally PUT the cement in today, so we hopefully tomorrow have a nice staight usable clotheline instead of the LEANING towers of clothesline that we have now. I decided we needed a clothesline cause we are trying to save money on the electric bill, trying to be pro-active, I suppose. thinking about that damn AC bill too. Thought about something though, seems like I'm doin' things my grandma did??? Gardening, clothesline.. What's next YELLOW Soap.. OK, so what's yellow soap right, the truth is I don't know.. alls I know is my grandma had this bar of yellow soap that was a stain ridder, & that thing lasted for years!! I buy spray & wash by the gallon... i gotta find me some yellow soap! Anyway... I don't know why we stopped doing these things.. I suppose we were perhaps tooooo cool to put our clothes outside any longer... or perhaps just TOOO lazy. (which is probably more like it) Anyway... I'm learning that grandma had the right idea...that and the fact my dryer has been having to work extra hard lately because the washer isn't spinning the clothes right and so they are SOAKING wet when they get in the dryer...& we've been having to ring them out by hand, very tedious.. anyway... hmmm.. finally dawned on me that WE need a clothesline (well that and a new washer & dryer but that proably won't happen.... atleast anytime soon) The funny part is we ALREADY had a clothesline which we must have bought YEARS ago and forgot about because we had a kit down in the crawl space. DUH! Anyway... I guess I'm going green, but my question is why did we stop doing these things.. they really do make sense.. DAMN the sun is out and it drys clothes really nicely.. now if I wasn't a little paranoid about the ticks.. I'm gonna be shaking those clothes out something feirce, but I'll get over it.. we need the savings on our electric bill tooo much. LOL! Damn ticks..

Listen UP!!!

My family means everything to ME!!!! It's why i write this blog, it's why I share so much on here, for me the reason I started it was because My mom lived to only be 51, and that made me aware of the fact that life can be short. I decided to share with my daughter things.. the things that I want my own mother to have shared more of with me. The little insight into her heart and so I lay it out here, and I try really hard to be honest...& while I don't share everything because it's my blog... and some things are private! Also my daughter reads my blog and for me the purpose of this blog is really for her! Anyway, for me it's special, just like my family. SO it makes me mad when I found out that someone was trying to mess with me, trying to PURPOSELY hurt me & my family, that they wrote things back in 2009 to specifically TRY to do just that! So I'm putting this out there to say... you didn't! You are a small minded little person who is lonely and pathetic! I have an idea of who you are and your not worth my words..or my time. SO you'll get no more of either!

the VEGETABLE garden...

So here's what I've been working on... My Vegetable Garden!!
I know it doesn't look like much, but I'm new at this. LOL! :) I just want to provide veggies for the family this summer. (Especially my practically Vegan husband Brian!) I wanna be able to say.... Juice away my love (imagine my harvest in my basket) \ Okay so I'm a little ways a way from that.. but u gotta start somewhere. LOL!

a new post.. (boy that was original)

Hi, so lets see..... WE GOT A NEW CAR!! We turned in our gas guzzler for a hybrid. IT's a little on the small side, but 4 people can fit in it. We got a Honda Insight... we drove around all weekend and the gas needle barely moved!! We are LOVING that so really as they say, size doesnt matter. We can all fit, and we can all eat!! Gas is crazy! We were wasting so much money on it.. and even with a fairly high car payment we think with the savings on the gas, we'll b good. Brian's co also gives him a gas break cause his commute is 80 miles round trip. SO we have that too. Anyway...that's all good! Now, lets see what else.. I spent the day yesterday arguing non-sense with peeps on facebook. People are such fools, they say the stupidest things and throw them out there like they are fact. Saying Barack Obama's taking all the credit for capturing Osama Bin Laden. Glaring NON-truths! Everyone know that he himself.. did not go in there and get Osama.. our Navy Seals did that, they did a PHENOMINAL job and deserve soo much credit. They are beyond brave & skilled. We owe them our gratidude, and highest praise. BUT Obama put them on the ground in Pakistan, he also listened to the Intelligence coming in, and DECIDED when they should go in. HE's THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF & deserves some credit! People write the most insanely one-sided oppinions. Saying, that Bush deserves the credit more than Obama, the President had little to do with it, wasn't involved... etc. Just said to inflame an ultra-conservative base who needs no-flaming. They got enough already in their bigoted nature... the ones who make him proof he was BORN in America, and when he does they still don't beleive it. I'm glad that BS is now atleast off the "MEDIA" radar in most cases. Oh it can still be found, but you'd need to go on CONSERVATIVE blogs to find it daily. ANyway so yesterday was an annoying day... and I just wish I didn't let them get to me, they really don't deserve my time but yet I take the bait. I gotta work on that. Anyway, My garden is coming together S L O W L Y!! I've decided not to stress tooo much & know that this year is a trial run, and I can learn from it... I moved the non-intented pumpkin patch i was starting to develop in my FLOWER bed out front, into the garden, but have yet to plant anything else.. my neighbor said by the 15th.. so I'm hoping my seedlings start to grow by then... i bought the peat pots so they can be planted right into the ground.. this way they don't have to be completely grown when I plant them (i dont' have to mess with their roots) if they are really delicate. Like I said I'm trying not to stress. My brother & I tried to put up a Clothes line yesterday... that was a comedy hour. We forgot the important CEMENT!!! So it's up but not secure.. I'm hoping we don't hve to take it completely apart to put the cement in and we can just lift it out... we'll see. It was funny though in hindsight and it looks pathetic!! Oh well.. u gotta laugh or you'll cry right. Anyway.. hoping we can save some money on the electric bill by using the clothes line.. I'm trying to come up with ways to save us money... we'll see!! Oh and I almost forgot.... Our March of Dimes walk was on Sunday.. it was a BEAUTIFUL day, and for some reason it seemed extra LONG this year but we did it, completed the whole thing and raised $700.00 for the March of Dimes. Which is a lot less than we usually get BUT also know how very hard we worked at even raising that much, times r tough... so I'm really pleased with the amt. Next year it'll be our 10th year, and I'm hoping EVEN more of our family walks with us.. kinda lke an anniversary celebration! :) Well I guess I should go, hope u all have a WONDERFUL fatastic day.. and I hope that you know that I love all people, it's just I don't like BS or non-sense and I believe very strongly in my core values. It's difficult hearing such hurtful things about a president I admire so much... i love most people.. it's just Ultra Conservatives can go too far sometimes and really push my buttons! anyway... PEACE people!

Lessons

There are times in your life that are so difficult, times when u question why is this happening, when you curse God or the powers that be, when life seemed soo unfair that you felt so lost it hurt all the time. Then somehow you came thru it.... and IF YOU DON'T take something from it and DO something to make the world a better place, then it's my opinion you didn't deserve to come thru it. For me it was when simultaneously my mom was dying and my daughter was born sooooo tiny, and sooooo early there was little chance of her surviving..... and I'm not going to lie, there was a time when I didn't believe in anything..I said at one time if GOD takes my MOM & my daughter, I WILL not believe in him.... I WILL not!!!! I remember that day clear as anything... sitting in the hospital room with a bunch of doctors, nurses, and a social worker, there to say, that we should think of letting Emily go, that they didn't know what else to do for her and if this mediciine they gave her didn't start working, that was it. I remember praying to God, Please PLEASE PLEASE just let it work!!!! Afterwards they left us to think about the awful choice of whether or not to let Emily go.... we knew what we wanted to do, we wanted to let her keep fighting, we knew she would let us know when she had enough, & I felt a calm come over me..i think it was God. I've shared this story before... and while we were sitting there, I remember saying prayers over and over that it was ok if she wasn't perfect.. because she was OUR daughter and we LOVED her!!!! So yes, my daughter would be allowed to fight! And fight did she! Comfort she brought to us & my Mom!! It was such a remarkable recovery.. it was long but of all that could have been wrong with Emily.... there is VERY little.. and to me she is PERFECT!!!! So after all was said and done, I choose to try and be better, hell I HAD to. I was given this remarkable gift. So I try to be better, I try to have love in my heart and think of others.. am I perfect NO WAY. But what I realized is life isn't about JUST having a good time, it's about trying to make the world better!! In what ever small steps or big steps you can. It's not about HOW BIG THE ACTION is but that there is ACTION!!! For me, The circumstances sorrounding the darkest days of my life so far, losing my mom & witnessing the miracle of my daughter's survival taught me that I needed to try and make the world better. I think I've always been a kind person, have I made mistakes in my life, YES!! Many!!! But each day I wake up, with hope that I will LOVE you until you give me a reason not to, and even then I'll try to...& that I have the courage to tell you when I think you are wrong. I will not let you bring me down. I will try and be who it is I want to be. You know growing up, My family was void of politics, my mom didn't vote, i would watch the primaries and base my opinion on who should win, on who was the most handsome or some trivial thing like that, I didn't know any other way.... When I had Emily my opinions changed I had this amazing person who I needed to make the world better for. So I got involved.. I realized that my core values allign better with the democratic party than with the Republican. I don't think that because you are a republican, you're wrong or bad. I just happen to NOT agree with you on MANY MANY subjects. I know that politics is FRUSTRATING and full of problems but it's what we have, & if you get out and try, even if it doesn't come out the way you wanted it to, then you atleast know you tried but if you don't then you have NO reason to BITCH... you did nothing! I realized too, that while I beleive in God, I won't JUDGE you if you don't and I won't try to convince you, that you have to believe in the same thing as me. I'll respect everyone.. cause when we were in that hospital room with Emily day in and day out.. we were all just parents supporting each other... there was NO RACE, NO Religion, we were just parents & people struggling, i could of cared less what church you went or religion you were, it just didn't matter, and was another lesson I took from that time!! Those things just DID not matter! So I don't believe you have to go to church, I don't, but I have more faith than some that do. It doesn't make you better because you do, and its wonderful that you go. I wouldn't have an abortion but I won't judge you if you do, or had to. I don't know your story. Just as most people don't know mine. There will be a judgement day I believe but it won't be from me. So believe what you want! It's your journey. But know that if you have HATE in your heart, & I find it, we won't be friends. I'm NOT perfect and I'm not trying to say I am...but I know that I am better than the old version of me. & I know that I have love in my heart & I'm happier for it.. even if some of my rants make me seem like I'm not! I'm passionate, and that's important. The are other thing I learned was about giving back, so we chose to start walking in the March of Dimes, and this is our 9th walk..each year I am driven to do it.. I think it's my Mom from heaven giving me a little push.. and even though it's hard work especially this year trying to get donations.. I do it, cause I need to. I really believe in this charity.. and I know that their research helped Emily SURVIVE!! So again it comes back to trying to learn the lessons I was meant to. I'm sure there were more lessons I was meant to learn from that time, but I think I've done good. So anyway... think about it, Have you???

140 letters or less.

Sometimes I'm too wordy... trust me read some of my post.. it's like blah, blah, blah... but what I like about twitter is you have 140 spaces to type in and that's it. I have to get to the point and i like that..

My latest post was:

clearing a patch 4 veg garden, it's hard&i'm no green thumb,i figure, the earth should know what 2 do,& i got my veg garden 4 dummies book.

hehe.. and I'm learning to like writting that way. Don't know if that's a good thing.. but it is fun! :)

Well today I have either "pink eye" or a major allergy attack because my one eye is pink & watery. It was crusty this morning & during my nap.... so was thinking it was pink eye for awhile.. now i'm not soo sure.. I've had pink eye and usually it's worse than this is but I don't know.. anyway, I was supposed to have the kids this morning but decided that I would leave it up to their parents whether they ACTUALLY came or not, understandably they decided it wasn't worth the risk. I understand, but I'm not thinking it's the "contagious" kind, cause I've had that kind before and the symptions were alot more serious.. but what do i know.. if it doesn't heal in a couple of days I'll go to the drs... right now I'm just washing my hands alot and spraying lysol incase. Anyway... that wasn't really the reason I'm writing.. I think I've decided to plant a vegetable garden.. I have this extra time cause I'm not working right now, and with the economy being what it is, and my own limitations (transportation) I'm not sure when i'll get a job, so I'm seriously thinking about it. Wanted to talk to my aunt about going in 1/2 with me for the seeds and stuff, & guidance (she's way more of a green thumb then me) but we can use my yard & I'll be responsible for watering it & day to day care, she'll come once a week to monitor and we can split the "harvest". Anyway I want to run the idea by her and see what she thinks. Knowing how much that I'm not a green thumb she might now think it's worth the "risk" haha.. but i thought it would be a way for us to stay connected as well.. we have the quilt project right now we are doing but this would require some "up-front" things and then some waiting so we might be able to swing both projects right now. I don't know, gotta talk to her and see what she thinks.

Easter Flowers.... 2011

Hi, I got these pretty flowers from my aunt & my cousin Tiffany! So sweet.. thank you ladies! Love u both...

My husband's book

This is our story in my husband's words. He's a great writer, we had it self-published a few years ago (It was such a daunting job trying to get it published thru a major book publisher) It's about when our daughter was first born very premature and she was fighting to survive, and also at the same time watching my mom loss her battle with cancer. My mom Margaret lost her battle 8 days before Emily came home from the hospital after being there for 6 months. The picture of the two roses on the front cover, represents my mom in her last stages of life, and my daughter in her beginning. It's an amazing story, and when I think about it, I'm truly amazed we got through it... but we did, because of the gift of our daughter! She provided us such comfort, a purpose to go on, and lots of things to take our mind off of our loss & she still does. She provided my mom even more.. my mom told me she provided her with comfort, & restored her faith. She beleived Emily was here to replace her death with life. I beleive that as well, to find out my husband's take you'll have to read the book..... Let us know if you are interested in reading it. Leave a comment.... PEACE. :)

Our "easter" desserts

Made with Love by, Emily, Aunt Barbara & Me

The good & the bad.....

These are things I like about me:

my kindness
my eyes
my lips
my heart
my sense of humor
my willingness to learn
I'm a good Mom
I'm forgiving
I'm open & honest

My desire to do & be better

These are things I don't like about me:

my worrying
my teeth
my weight
my seriousness
my lack of education
my lack of confidence
my fear
my impatience
caring too much what others think

Emily's "the Littles" Project

Last year Emily did a Diarama of a scene from a book she read for 3rd grade.. She wants to keep it, but it's kinda getting destroyed so before it was too far gone I figured I should take a picture of it for us to keep it that way. (Plus she makes so many things we are running out of room!) LOL! I hope the makers of this blog, let us know if they plan on getting rid of this anytime soon. Lots of memories on here! Anyway... here it is....

More Pokemon Drawings by Emily

Emily's Pokemon Drawings over the years

My Godson & I's "Mr Potato-Heads"

Joshy & I played Mr Potato Head today. I decided our creations were soo cool that I should take a pic...lol. Also my friend Danielle(his mommy) doesn't like Joshy's pic on the internet but I figured since his back was to the camera she wouldn't care. LOL! I hope... anyway.. he's soo cute I had to try. :) Happy Monday people.. i'm out, we got to get back to playing.